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Allison Deraney's avatar

Isabel, as I was reading your words here I found myself sitting up taller. My antenna peaked because in my head I heard, “holy shit. She’s speaking my language - just a lot more eloquently.”

I am so sorry for your loss. And I know exactly what you mean about the sadness delivering us joy, eventually and sometimes simultaneously. This has been my experience. At times it feels like a betrayal to the pain that truly is here to teach us (not torture us).

Thank you for writing this. I am perpetually worried my wintering won’t leave. Your words help so much. Sometimes I feel like the only one who insists on tap dancing in her unprocessed grief. Wanting/needing to stay there.

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Alexandra Youmans's avatar

You’ve reminded me of a quote from To the Lighthouse: “We must light matches against the darkness… even though we are bound to be worsted.”

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