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Carolyn Wolpert's avatar

I’m excited for you, although I see u have been living this for months! No fear, ma’am. No fear.

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Kelly Donahue's avatar

Yes! And how impulsivity is only cheered when visible good comes out of it (“I tried out on a whim and got in!” vs if neutral, or ‘bad’ things happen (“whoops he got a swift kick to the stomach”) it’s admonished

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Isabel Cowles Murphy's avatar

This is SO true and I hadn't made the connection. We're celebrated as brave when things go our way and as reckless when they don't. It's also more celebrated for a male to be brave and fail, but when a girl goes for something and falls on her ass the message is: see, you went too far. You wanted too much. You were asking to get slapped back into place. That is the feeling, anyway. But courage is courage is courage.

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davyne verstandig's avatar

I feel the juice in this piece when you describe the anonymity of your being on the city streets.

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Aunt Kat's avatar

I did a little googling on the meaning of Big Dick Energy. It reminds me of something Mick calls "John Bonhaming it." The drummer goes along in a steady reliable groove most of the time, and every now and then he lets loose and delivers a spectacular brilliant riff. It's an example of someone lulling you into hardly noticing their potential with their steady craftsmanship, then suddenly revealing the magic of which they are really capable.

I love picturing you blowing away all those Bethlehem boys with your impulsive daring. I know the field. Next time I'm in a meeting in the CCD room, I'm going to go out on the smoke break and stick my hand in a dark fox hole. That'll secure my cred with the grown up versions of those boys.

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Valentina's avatar

This is a very interesting essay. Every time I read your essays, I learn more about myself. Your honesty and openness to the reader are admired and give results. The reader extrapolates your feelings to himself and tries to find the answer with you. I am not sure that it is possible to awaken or grow energy, but you inspire optimism. Thanks!

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Isabel Cowles Murphy's avatar

What a wonderful thing to hear... thank you, Valentina!!!

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Elizabeth Baldwin's avatar

Great essay! It made me reflect on my son's impulsivity and how we, school, and society try to control and limit it. As a toddler, he burned his hands in the oven and went back to check it out the next day with his hands all bandaged up. It's both his strength and Achilles Heel. I also remember your mother's terrific response and surprise when asked about BDE several years ago.

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Isabel Cowles Murphy's avatar

H! I haven't heard it. Will google. And yes, the number of people who tried to reign me in was so sad, looking back. I wish me made space for enthusiasm instead of asking children to get smaller and smaller...

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Caroline's avatar

Beautiful! I’m reminded of my favorite Tallulah Bankhead quote, “I’d rather be strongly wrong than weakly right.”

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Isabel Cowles Murphy's avatar

I love that! Yes, what are we here for? To whisper into the wind? I'm so tired of trying not to offend anybody...it costs us so much more than we realize. I'll keep these words with me. Many thanks.

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Mary Ellen Hale's avatar

Loved the essay...not so much the title;)

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Isabel Cowles Murphy's avatar

Ha! If you hated the outre wallpaper you'd DEFINITELY hate this title. I'm glad to hear from you, Mary Ellen!!

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