I see the eternal in Bruce’s sweet eyes. And I feel it in your writing, your presence. You are mothering, and living, and coming alive - it’s a joy to witness.
Thank you, for helping me find the beauty in the small, in the now. To stop worrying about tomorrow when such greatness is standing before me waiting to be noticed. It’s important to give grace to our past selves. I wasn’t capable of this mindfulness years ago - I was just trying to survive.
Today, my jaw dropped at bright red leaves I’d ignored yesterday, and the day before...but we’re getting there.
It's amazing to grow up! My mother recently shared a weekend with a friend who's nearly eighty and between long naps he'd sit in a chair and look out the window and say: "I'm so happy. I'm just so happy." What a goal! Just to feel the miracle of a day. I'm so glad you understand.
i so agree with this even as i get what the improbability of her "coming alive" further beyond the point where she already was....but i may be biased here as she turns November into less of a spectre than it is to old men born in that month and seein SO MANY other uhhhhh premonitions!$$!??$! lol
dwelling with Bruce in a secret pocket (!!!!) i look at my seventeen year old man now, when we take the time to really share a glance, a word, when he lets me paint mud mask on his face, bless him, i realize, we DWELLED IN THE SECRET POCKET together! in the dead of night, we followed the moon, i took my time and just went with it, even appreciated it, on my own, and now he totally trusts and respects me.
but his ass was in my palm yesterday, i swear. that's the only confusing part.
His teenage butt in your hand is a story I need. And this is a comment I need. The enthusiasm I need!! I love you for dipping back in. It makes me feel so appreciated. And I'm inspired by your relationship--to know that my sons can be friends and companions for the rest of my life. Now, like this; later, something else, all of it wonderful.
I commit to keep reading your heart, also to keep grabbing the increasingly-more-elusive teenage butt lol... your moments of care and listening go so far.
Isabel, this is the most gorgeous writing I've read in a long, long time. And it reminds me of the commitment I made when my son was small to notice and to keep noticing. Still, it went by in the blink of my noticing eye. But as you so magnificently point out here, it is the only way. xo
I hope you know that the way you've talked about motherhood (and grandmotherhood) helps me dig in and appreciate this time. In your book especially, I had such a sense of you relishing every moment--even that long night nursing that you told your mom was "the nadir" of your life. Boy do I understand. It's amazing how what feels so personal is really universal.
-- Hello, once again! Today is so hot here in Minas Gerais that it’s hard to even formulate thoughts, but I will try. Your essay reminds me of this part of a poem I came across last Monday:
“The sound of quiet. The sky
indigo, steeping
deeper from the top, like tea.
In the absence
of anything else, my own
breathing became obscene.”
I Went Out to Hear by Leila Chatti
I do often think about life too, Isabel. In its own audacious pieces and yet, in all of them being nestled into a silent conversation about perspective and hope. Each one at a time, subliminally blending into a defying essence that is capable of remaking the lucky depths of neglected incidence. It might not always make sense, but even so, it feels densely precise when you decide not to overthink it. Also, that lake seems to be singing right back at you! And, how old is that backyard tree? Xo.
I love the poem, thanks for sharing. You make a great point, which I hadn't thought of: everything I pay attention to seems to wink back. It's like the world is waiting for our wonder and it feels glad when we express it. A kind of karmic witnessing.
Mother all the way ! This may be your best essay to date. Or at least for me it is. Your words are like honey to my mother’s soul but the meaning behind your stories I find to be important for women to hear. So many new mothers don’t honor the season of new babies and rich gifts they bring. They rush through postpartum only to return to full on schedules of work, volunteering, and entertaining. They miss the deep joy that comes with time with baby while the other children are in school. They see nighttime as a horrible experience they want to end. Thank you Isabel for putting into words the choice you are making as a mother of intention. And likely this will both gift your readers and challenge them to look at their own mother experiences differently!
I owe so much of this to our work together. I have been the woman who rushes around, trying to recover too fast. Even now, there are nighttimes I wish would end ;) But I have the benefit of some perspective and I know, not abstractly, that it really does "go by so fast." That helps me dig in, even when my eyes feel raw with exhaustion.
Ah It is an honor to work with you and yes all of those feelings are welcome and to be acknowledged and included. But knowing ones true core values and then embodying them...is a true applied practice.
Being a mother is the biggest emotional roller-coaster anyone will ever ride... and the biggest learning curve. And it will never stop. I think my first ever comment to you was something regarding never losing our motherhood, it just changing. For me, sometimes I find the the thought of the roller coaster and learning curve never ending utterly overwhelming. Other times I'm so thankful I get to ride the roller-coaster! I guess I just literally explained myself haha....
Yes! It is so relentless. Even when we get 'breaks' we're never off. The psychic connection is permanent and so deep. Someone once told me: "You're only as happy as your unhappiest child." That's a lot for a lifetime.
That's a lot of pressure for a long life (God willing) hey? It's so nice when you can focus on this very minute and love and appreciate but it's so easy to let your mind run and realise I'm on this ride forever and I'm never getting off. The result of this ride is in my hands! 💕💕 big love to you and your full ride!
so stunning and beautiful and whole i dont feel capable of picking out an idea or paragraph but will when properly set up....just to say i hope you dont forget little people like me along the way to your SURE destiny photographer???😉🙃
also "eyes" is my fav. Dead song and again sure im not alone
pps who are all these other people clyde? chris? bruce? i mean cant we ever get Alone Time?🤣🤣🤪
It was your photos that inspired me! The way you catch the changing light and the open roads and the water. They're some of my favorite parts of your pieces.
well i think we here are as anchored in the physical as much as the undercurrent of inner phenomena tho i cant see writers in the past piling on as we do ie attaching images but that said im so flattered: your images are pure reflections of joy (and mystery, curiosity?) for me
the headshots here i dunno how you managed but its just so evocative
like black and white timeless
anyways im rambling as i prepare (chaotically) to ramble
and the SYMPHONY! "crunching leaves, popping sticks, the drag of thorn bushes against Christopher’s old waxed jacket—the only coat big enough to wrap around us both."
Once again there is a beautiful trembling revealed in your writing. Yes you have newer eyes because bruce is seeing with you - anew and they are also the eyes of growing older, more grateful, maybe wiser. One can read your pieces and watch you grow.
Identity? Who said we have to becalled anything other than "human merely being?" (E.E.Cummings) Check out his poem (which is a prayer for me) "i thank you god for most this amazing day."
There is the gift of mother moon who keeps us company, opening dark skies and stars we miss when we are sleep.
Isabel, this is such a tribute to your growth: As a Mother; a writer; an empath in the natural world... a traveler who is taking notes and savoring the moments... all of these elements make you an amazing record keeper of life❣️ Love, love, love your "stuff". Happy holidays to you & yours💞
Mary Ellen I am so lucky to have you. I've said it before and I'll say it again--not many people have seen my work from 10 years ago in first motherhood... I value your continued presence here so very much.
I resonate so strongly with how you describe the feelings around earlier versions of motherhood vs. feelings about motherhood with Baby Bruce. We really are different parents with each kid. Not necessarily better or worse, just different. We are growing up every day too, alongside them.
You're right--neither better nor worse. Though I do have an impulse to think of now as superior because I've learned some things. But the truth is, now is just less difficult. We have space, and more resources for support, and the big kids are in school so it feels less like being hazed :)
"It hits me—these years are not just the boys’ childhood, they’re my motherhood, too. It’s a fact so simple I never bothered to think it. I don’t want to protect myself from future heartbreak by holding this era at arm’s length. I want to wrap myself in it completely. I want to notice everything."
Well this is making me cry... It applies to so much, doesn't it? Motherhood, but also missing my born family - I remember crying a lot when I first moved away, and having conversations with my family about how I'd rather have all those tears than be happy to leave. Future heartbreak means current joy and love.
Yes: there's such a poignancy to being in something while at the same time, FEELING it pass through you. I think that's why it's so seductive to numb out. In all the ways--work; social media; alcohol, etc. I feel like my job is to stay sensitive, stay alert, just STAY IN IT even when that hurts because the current joy and love is so obviously going to break my heart. I'm so glad you found this one--really touched and grateful.
I spent so many years trying to be less sensitive because I was the sensitive kid whose heart felt everything. No more. Let me feel and break - that’s living 🖤🖤
I see the eternal in Bruce’s sweet eyes. And I feel it in your writing, your presence. You are mothering, and living, and coming alive - it’s a joy to witness.
Thank you, for helping me find the beauty in the small, in the now. To stop worrying about tomorrow when such greatness is standing before me waiting to be noticed. It’s important to give grace to our past selves. I wasn’t capable of this mindfulness years ago - I was just trying to survive.
Today, my jaw dropped at bright red leaves I’d ignored yesterday, and the day before...but we’re getting there.
It's amazing to grow up! My mother recently shared a weekend with a friend who's nearly eighty and between long naps he'd sit in a chair and look out the window and say: "I'm so happy. I'm just so happy." What a goal! Just to feel the miracle of a day. I'm so glad you understand.
i so agree with this even as i get what the improbability of her "coming alive" further beyond the point where she already was....but i may be biased here as she turns November into less of a spectre than it is to old men born in that month and seein SO MANY other uhhhhh premonitions!$$!??$! lol
and xo
Apple, Scorpio season mimics the type. Never ignoring this complexity again!!
Isabel and I are on a transformational mission - fasten your seatbelt (typed with Bette’s smokey rasp in mind).
yeah im kinda gettin that 🤪
okay okay last one i swear.
dwelling with Bruce in a secret pocket (!!!!) i look at my seventeen year old man now, when we take the time to really share a glance, a word, when he lets me paint mud mask on his face, bless him, i realize, we DWELLED IN THE SECRET POCKET together! in the dead of night, we followed the moon, i took my time and just went with it, even appreciated it, on my own, and now he totally trusts and respects me.
but his ass was in my palm yesterday, i swear. that's the only confusing part.
this piece is a serious gift, sister. thank you.
His teenage butt in your hand is a story I need. And this is a comment I need. The enthusiasm I need!! I love you for dipping back in. It makes me feel so appreciated. And I'm inspired by your relationship--to know that my sons can be friends and companions for the rest of my life. Now, like this; later, something else, all of it wonderful.
I commit to keep reading your heart, also to keep grabbing the increasingly-more-elusive teenage butt lol... your moments of care and listening go so far.
Thank you both! I’ll be more understanding when my mom grabs my butt and pulls me in close, hand rubbing back, at Christmas ❤️
Isabel, this is the most gorgeous writing I've read in a long, long time. And it reminds me of the commitment I made when my son was small to notice and to keep noticing. Still, it went by in the blink of my noticing eye. But as you so magnificently point out here, it is the only way. xo
I hope you know that the way you've talked about motherhood (and grandmotherhood) helps me dig in and appreciate this time. In your book especially, I had such a sense of you relishing every moment--even that long night nursing that you told your mom was "the nadir" of your life. Boy do I understand. It's amazing how what feels so personal is really universal.
Oh, yeah, forgot about that particular nadir! xo
-- Hello, once again! Today is so hot here in Minas Gerais that it’s hard to even formulate thoughts, but I will try. Your essay reminds me of this part of a poem I came across last Monday:
“The sound of quiet. The sky
indigo, steeping
deeper from the top, like tea.
In the absence
of anything else, my own
breathing became obscene.”
I Went Out to Hear by Leila Chatti
I do often think about life too, Isabel. In its own audacious pieces and yet, in all of them being nestled into a silent conversation about perspective and hope. Each one at a time, subliminally blending into a defying essence that is capable of remaking the lucky depths of neglected incidence. It might not always make sense, but even so, it feels densely precise when you decide not to overthink it. Also, that lake seems to be singing right back at you! And, how old is that backyard tree? Xo.
I love the poem, thanks for sharing. You make a great point, which I hadn't thought of: everything I pay attention to seems to wink back. It's like the world is waiting for our wonder and it feels glad when we express it. A kind of karmic witnessing.
i looked up Minas Gerais on google maps finally 😇😊😘
-- I can bet you have found green mountains & golden cheese breads pictures! Xo.
ohhh funny girl !!! "cheesebread" 😉😊🙃
dont work Too Hard and enjoy week
steer clear of scorpios
Mother all the way ! This may be your best essay to date. Or at least for me it is. Your words are like honey to my mother’s soul but the meaning behind your stories I find to be important for women to hear. So many new mothers don’t honor the season of new babies and rich gifts they bring. They rush through postpartum only to return to full on schedules of work, volunteering, and entertaining. They miss the deep joy that comes with time with baby while the other children are in school. They see nighttime as a horrible experience they want to end. Thank you Isabel for putting into words the choice you are making as a mother of intention. And likely this will both gift your readers and challenge them to look at their own mother experiences differently!
I owe so much of this to our work together. I have been the woman who rushes around, trying to recover too fast. Even now, there are nighttimes I wish would end ;) But I have the benefit of some perspective and I know, not abstractly, that it really does "go by so fast." That helps me dig in, even when my eyes feel raw with exhaustion.
Ah It is an honor to work with you and yes all of those feelings are welcome and to be acknowledged and included. But knowing ones true core values and then embodying them...is a true applied practice.
Being a mother is the biggest emotional roller-coaster anyone will ever ride... and the biggest learning curve. And it will never stop. I think my first ever comment to you was something regarding never losing our motherhood, it just changing. For me, sometimes I find the the thought of the roller coaster and learning curve never ending utterly overwhelming. Other times I'm so thankful I get to ride the roller-coaster! I guess I just literally explained myself haha....
Yes! It is so relentless. Even when we get 'breaks' we're never off. The psychic connection is permanent and so deep. Someone once told me: "You're only as happy as your unhappiest child." That's a lot for a lifetime.
That's a lot of pressure for a long life (God willing) hey? It's so nice when you can focus on this very minute and love and appreciate but it's so easy to let your mind run and realise I'm on this ride forever and I'm never getting off. The result of this ride is in my hands! 💕💕 big love to you and your full ride!
This is so beautiful Isabel! Thanks for sharing this part of your life ❤️
I'm so grateful you are here and reading, as always!
so stunning and beautiful and whole i dont feel capable of picking out an idea or paragraph but will when properly set up....just to say i hope you dont forget little people like me along the way to your SURE destiny photographer???😉🙃
also "eyes" is my fav. Dead song and again sure im not alone
pps who are all these other people clyde? chris? bruce? i mean cant we ever get Alone Time?🤣🤣🤪
It was your photos that inspired me! The way you catch the changing light and the open roads and the water. They're some of my favorite parts of your pieces.
well i think we here are as anchored in the physical as much as the undercurrent of inner phenomena tho i cant see writers in the past piling on as we do ie attaching images but that said im so flattered: your images are pure reflections of joy (and mystery, curiosity?) for me
the headshots here i dunno how you managed but its just so evocative
like black and white timeless
anyways im rambling as i prepare (chaotically) to ramble
💥🤞😜
and the SYMPHONY! "crunching leaves, popping sticks, the drag of thorn bushes against Christopher’s old waxed jacket—the only coat big enough to wrap around us both."
i'm freaking out. maybe it's just late but wow.
i can't even. i've only read the first paragraph three times and stopped myself to comment. jesus!
This response ❤️🔥
Once again there is a beautiful trembling revealed in your writing. Yes you have newer eyes because bruce is seeing with you - anew and they are also the eyes of growing older, more grateful, maybe wiser. One can read your pieces and watch you grow.
Identity? Who said we have to becalled anything other than "human merely being?" (E.E.Cummings) Check out his poem (which is a prayer for me) "i thank you god for most this amazing day."
There is the gift of mother moon who keeps us company, opening dark skies and stars we miss when we are sleep.
Thank you for your words- you are good company.
Thank you for always being with me, Davyne. My fearless reader :)
Isabel, this is such a tribute to your growth: As a Mother; a writer; an empath in the natural world... a traveler who is taking notes and savoring the moments... all of these elements make you an amazing record keeper of life❣️ Love, love, love your "stuff". Happy holidays to you & yours💞
Mary Ellen I am so lucky to have you. I've said it before and I'll say it again--not many people have seen my work from 10 years ago in first motherhood... I value your continued presence here so very much.
Coming around, the work of a lifetime, if we're lucky. Thank you.
I'm so glad you are here. 🧡
Just beautiful. I'm not a mother (yet?), but I really appreciated this, I felt the slowing down, the surrender, then the beauty that comes with that.
It's such a gift. The hardest, most fulfilling thing I've ever done.
Simply beautiful!
I resonate so strongly with how you describe the feelings around earlier versions of motherhood vs. feelings about motherhood with Baby Bruce. We really are different parents with each kid. Not necessarily better or worse, just different. We are growing up every day too, alongside them.
You're right--neither better nor worse. Though I do have an impulse to think of now as superior because I've learned some things. But the truth is, now is just less difficult. We have space, and more resources for support, and the big kids are in school so it feels less like being hazed :)
"It hits me—these years are not just the boys’ childhood, they’re my motherhood, too. It’s a fact so simple I never bothered to think it. I don’t want to protect myself from future heartbreak by holding this era at arm’s length. I want to wrap myself in it completely. I want to notice everything."
Well this is making me cry... It applies to so much, doesn't it? Motherhood, but also missing my born family - I remember crying a lot when I first moved away, and having conversations with my family about how I'd rather have all those tears than be happy to leave. Future heartbreak means current joy and love.
Yes: there's such a poignancy to being in something while at the same time, FEELING it pass through you. I think that's why it's so seductive to numb out. In all the ways--work; social media; alcohol, etc. I feel like my job is to stay sensitive, stay alert, just STAY IN IT even when that hurts because the current joy and love is so obviously going to break my heart. I'm so glad you found this one--really touched and grateful.
I spent so many years trying to be less sensitive because I was the sensitive kid whose heart felt everything. No more. Let me feel and break - that’s living 🖤🖤
It's also what we want to read :)