I’m curious why I, (referring to myself, and having no vagina), seem to become paralyzed by your words about, and descriptions of, the aforementioned organ.—descriptions which are WAY too vivid, and not at all, in keeping with the way “it” was presented to me as an adolescent by Society—comments which (were I present) would Immediately send me outside under the guise of
“I need a smoke.“
(I would actually go out and grab a railing, and, bent over my racing heart—decide between dry heaving, or having a stroke.)
You should be a fucking doctor because after reading one of your posts I certainly have no complaints about any pains I may have concerned myself with just minutes ago.
I am enlightened to know (having always thought my Mother a miracle), I may be one myself. I will credit you with that, but I am left saddened by whatever trace is left of my masculinity, ashamed of my penis, and truly diminished for the rest of the day.
Your writing is an addiction I cannot explain, nor tolerate. For my own health, I should stop reading this shit— but we know it’s not gonna happen, because—all kidding aside— YOU are a miracle! ❤️✨
P.S. Anyone who tells me that a woman did not create the Universe gets pointed in your direction.
Another glorious gem, which I plan to print and save for future reference. Whenever I get to feeling sorry for myself, I'll read it and remember... I had Sea dry heaving, and that's a damned miracle.
Somebody, after all this while, just “liked” this comment of mine bringing the total to 9 now I think. Maybe you should restack it, lol. That’s more ❤️’s then my songs usually get!
Haha! Re-stack it if you wish! (I may lose a few “followers,” but I can’t keep up as it is.) I truthfully laugh so hard, and will only call babies miracles from now on
Genius from start to finish! I’m OVER correlating goodness with ease. And DOUBLY OVER stamping people as one way for life — I’m good and bad and everything imaginable. We’re all damn miracles!! Full stop.
Once you see this cultural habit, you can't un-see it. And I'm also curious about how I still reflexively collapse things into these categories, too. But what a damn shame... because anything that's all the way good or all the way bad leaves zero space for what's interesting.
Great advice for us all as we all have the capability of being at least a little bit Aunt Hilda at times.
This is going straight to my daughter who's expecting her second around October 1st.
By the way, she wants to ban the term "morning sickness" as a cruel joke played on expectant mothers, including her, who experience sickness in equal bouts throughout the course of 24 hours.
David!! What a joy to be brought into the Roberts fold...thank you for gifting her a subscription!! One of my favorite parts of reading your pieces is watching your family's comments roll in :)
I found this in notes. I loved it. My wife and I have a two year old. She had has a laid back temperament and people relish the opportunity to tell us how rambunctious the next one will be. I have always been a super chill guy who will let people say what they want about me but something about that makes the hair on my neck stand up and I usually snap and say something like, “I don’t even like you joking about that now, before we’re even thinking about having the next kid—definitely don’t say anything later. They’ll be who they’ll be and you’ll love them for it or you’ll keep it to yourself.”
Charlie, thanks so much for reading and for taking a minute to comment. I'm honored. It's incredibly frustrating when people make little warnings/ admonishments/ complaints to me through my kids...I'm baffled that folks 1) project so much onto pre-conscious beings and 2) reveal their own pettiness in such an obvious way. I'm stealing your line "love them, or keep it to yourself." Advice that serves humanity across the board.
In my other-job-that-is-not-writing I work with many babies and am always internally dismayed at the labels they receive. It is especially obvious with twin babies (and bizarrely in our very small community I've had the opportunity to work with many pairs of twins) where one is labelled something with a 'good' slant and the other not so much. I bite my tongue in half to carry on saying nothing and simply do my job.
It's amazing how these reductive terms stay with us. I often catch myself when I'm about to mark my kids "Oh you're 'sensitive' you're 'shy.' You're the athlete." People are fluid, they change and evolve; but so often as children we accept these stamps and get stuck in them, especially as they cement into roles within a family. The world is better for your expansive witnessing, Donna.
Ha! That image delighted me. I think he's taken his mother's whole breast off her body and out from her modest cloak. But he can do no wrong... he got the 'good' stamp.
this cracked me up 😅i started with a ‘bad’ baby and was constantly told ‘boys are hard’, now i’ve got a ‘good’ baby and guess what he’s also a boy. both total miracles!! now i’m being asked if we’ll try for a girl….
Haha I've been asked if I tried for a girl 3x now... it blows my mind how insensitive people can be to new mothers, who are SO TENDER. Even if we disagree with what they think we should want, the mere presumption aches.
Oh this is wonderful! I never understood why people would ask ‘is she a good baby?’… and I also found it utterly beautiful when I was told constantly how ‘easy’ my first was when I was finding the adjustment to becoming a mother so so hard. I felt like I didn’t have any right to be finding things difficult. In hindsight my first was a more straightforward baby… my second has blown me into a thousand pieces and rearranged me a totally new being. One that I’m rather proud of actually. But she certainly isn’t ‘bad’. And I love the idea of reminding Mothers that they are miracles. I’m in awe of every single one… so grateful for your words here. Xxx
I'm so grateful to you for reading and sharing this piece!! I love your work and the circles you're creating to sanctify motherhood. I've been reflecting a lot on the way people tell us to "enjoy it" ...so easy to forget the incredibly hard parts when you're rewriting the story with the lens of nostalgia. The richness of the experience is, in part, the difficulty of it. Validating that for each other is essential and I'm grateful you're making spaces for the dignity and honesty of this miraculous experience so we can enjoy the WHOLE thing. I think that means someday, after the intense part has passed, we won't have to warn people to enjoy it. Because we will have lived our children's youth so fully. Is this an essay? xx
‘The richness of the experience is, in part, the difficulty of it.’
The hardest parts have been my most transformative… but only because I think I have been open and honest about them and that’s allowed me to witness what they have given them. When they are left unspoken they aren’t integrated and that brings such shadow and shame to it all.
Definitely way more to write on this!! Fancy doing a podcast episode??? Xxx
Jessica!! I am SO honored to have you here. Thank you for supporting my work!! I am deeply grateful for your readership. It means so much to me to have you here reading and commenting.
I love this... sorry I've missed a couple. I've been having my own moment of rebirthing, and deciding whether it's a good or bad rebirthing has consumed my thoughts for a fortnight. This is relevant to adults as well as babies 🥰🥰🥰
I hope you'll write about it when you are ready! I'm here for all the births and rebirths. And never apologize: come and go as you need, this space is always here for you.
You know what I’m curious about, Isabel?
I’m curious why I, (referring to myself, and having no vagina), seem to become paralyzed by your words about, and descriptions of, the aforementioned organ.—descriptions which are WAY too vivid, and not at all, in keeping with the way “it” was presented to me as an adolescent by Society—comments which (were I present) would Immediately send me outside under the guise of
“I need a smoke.“
(I would actually go out and grab a railing, and, bent over my racing heart—decide between dry heaving, or having a stroke.)
You should be a fucking doctor because after reading one of your posts I certainly have no complaints about any pains I may have concerned myself with just minutes ago.
I am enlightened to know (having always thought my Mother a miracle), I may be one myself. I will credit you with that, but I am left saddened by whatever trace is left of my masculinity, ashamed of my penis, and truly diminished for the rest of the day.
Your writing is an addiction I cannot explain, nor tolerate. For my own health, I should stop reading this shit— but we know it’s not gonna happen, because—all kidding aside— YOU are a miracle! ❤️✨
P.S. Anyone who tells me that a woman did not create the Universe gets pointed in your direction.
Another glorious gem, which I plan to print and save for future reference. Whenever I get to feeling sorry for myself, I'll read it and remember... I had Sea dry heaving, and that's a damned miracle.
Somebody, after all this while, just “liked” this comment of mine bringing the total to 9 now I think. Maybe you should restack it, lol. That’s more ❤️’s then my songs usually get!
Haha! Re-stack it if you wish! (I may lose a few “followers,” but I can’t keep up as it is.) I truthfully laugh so hard, and will only call babies miracles from now on
Genius from start to finish! I’m OVER correlating goodness with ease. And DOUBLY OVER stamping people as one way for life — I’m good and bad and everything imaginable. We’re all damn miracles!! Full stop.
Once you see this cultural habit, you can't un-see it. And I'm also curious about how I still reflexively collapse things into these categories, too. But what a damn shame... because anything that's all the way good or all the way bad leaves zero space for what's interesting.
Great advice for us all as we all have the capability of being at least a little bit Aunt Hilda at times.
This is going straight to my daughter who's expecting her second around October 1st.
By the way, she wants to ban the term "morning sickness" as a cruel joke played on expectant mothers, including her, who experience sickness in equal bouts throughout the course of 24 hours.
David!! What a joy to be brought into the Roberts fold...thank you for gifting her a subscription!! One of my favorite parts of reading your pieces is watching your family's comments roll in :)
I found this in notes. I loved it. My wife and I have a two year old. She had has a laid back temperament and people relish the opportunity to tell us how rambunctious the next one will be. I have always been a super chill guy who will let people say what they want about me but something about that makes the hair on my neck stand up and I usually snap and say something like, “I don’t even like you joking about that now, before we’re even thinking about having the next kid—definitely don’t say anything later. They’ll be who they’ll be and you’ll love them for it or you’ll keep it to yourself.”
Charlie, thanks so much for reading and for taking a minute to comment. I'm honored. It's incredibly frustrating when people make little warnings/ admonishments/ complaints to me through my kids...I'm baffled that folks 1) project so much onto pre-conscious beings and 2) reveal their own pettiness in such an obvious way. I'm stealing your line "love them, or keep it to yourself." Advice that serves humanity across the board.
I adore your fury. No good babies. No bad babies. No good or bad mamas either.
YES!! We're all just doing our best in these crazy uncomfortable bodies :)
Brilliant!
In my other-job-that-is-not-writing I work with many babies and am always internally dismayed at the labels they receive. It is especially obvious with twin babies (and bizarrely in our very small community I've had the opportunity to work with many pairs of twins) where one is labelled something with a 'good' slant and the other not so much. I bite my tongue in half to carry on saying nothing and simply do my job.
#nobadbabies
It's amazing how these reductive terms stay with us. I often catch myself when I'm about to mark my kids "Oh you're 'sensitive' you're 'shy.' You're the athlete." People are fluid, they change and evolve; but so often as children we accept these stamps and get stuck in them, especially as they cement into roles within a family. The world is better for your expansive witnessing, Donna.
Right back at your Isabel, thank you!
Oh my goodness, this all hits hard, and the end in particular! Miracles, the whole lot of them ❤️
Thank you, Miriam!! I'm so glad this meant something to you. Really appreciate you reading and commenting!
don't you dare ask Mama if she was trying for a girl... miracles all of us
We are!!! And it never changes.
You know that we are miracles whether or not others see it in us-spot on !
Grateful for your presence here, always. Marion is nearly ready for your wise counsel!
The new mama as a “woman with her heart freshly ousted from her body” is a perfect line, wrote it in my journal, thanks💛
Aumaine, thank you!!! I'm so glad you are here.
That baby jesus looks like a very painful breastfeeder! Thanks, Isabel. Miracle is just right...
Ha! That image delighted me. I think he's taken his mother's whole breast off her body and out from her modest cloak. But he can do no wrong... he got the 'good' stamp.
Nursing from basically the mothers neck…I can’t help but stare!!!
the pains di Giovanni Fei went through to keep dear Mary demure
Women’s bodies…mysteries 🙃
But this is my favorite, where she is nursing from her arm/shoulder https://lucasmland.com/2018/09/03/why-breastfeeding-jesus-matters/
this cracked me up 😅i started with a ‘bad’ baby and was constantly told ‘boys are hard’, now i’ve got a ‘good’ baby and guess what he’s also a boy. both total miracles!! now i’m being asked if we’ll try for a girl….
Haha I've been asked if I tried for a girl 3x now... it blows my mind how insensitive people can be to new mothers, who are SO TENDER. Even if we disagree with what they think we should want, the mere presumption aches.
I love to tell people who ask ‘is he a good baby’ than no, in fact he is on parole and is an extremely bad baby, and then watch their faces.
Beautifully expressed 💛
I wish I'd had that in my back pocket!!
Oh this is wonderful! I never understood why people would ask ‘is she a good baby?’… and I also found it utterly beautiful when I was told constantly how ‘easy’ my first was when I was finding the adjustment to becoming a mother so so hard. I felt like I didn’t have any right to be finding things difficult. In hindsight my first was a more straightforward baby… my second has blown me into a thousand pieces and rearranged me a totally new being. One that I’m rather proud of actually. But she certainly isn’t ‘bad’. And I love the idea of reminding Mothers that they are miracles. I’m in awe of every single one… so grateful for your words here. Xxx
I'm so grateful to you for reading and sharing this piece!! I love your work and the circles you're creating to sanctify motherhood. I've been reflecting a lot on the way people tell us to "enjoy it" ...so easy to forget the incredibly hard parts when you're rewriting the story with the lens of nostalgia. The richness of the experience is, in part, the difficulty of it. Validating that for each other is essential and I'm grateful you're making spaces for the dignity and honesty of this miraculous experience so we can enjoy the WHOLE thing. I think that means someday, after the intense part has passed, we won't have to warn people to enjoy it. Because we will have lived our children's youth so fully. Is this an essay? xx
Ooooh yes….
‘The richness of the experience is, in part, the difficulty of it.’
The hardest parts have been my most transformative… but only because I think I have been open and honest about them and that’s allowed me to witness what they have given them. When they are left unspoken they aren’t integrated and that brings such shadow and shame to it all.
Definitely way more to write on this!! Fancy doing a podcast episode??? Xxx
Thank you for this work of art, I have read it over & over again ❤️💫!
Jessica!! I am SO honored to have you here. Thank you for supporting my work!! I am deeply grateful for your readership. It means so much to me to have you here reading and commenting.
I love this... sorry I've missed a couple. I've been having my own moment of rebirthing, and deciding whether it's a good or bad rebirthing has consumed my thoughts for a fortnight. This is relevant to adults as well as babies 🥰🥰🥰
I hope you'll write about it when you are ready! I'm here for all the births and rebirths. And never apologize: come and go as you need, this space is always here for you.
I'd love to write about it if/when I can! It's been a whirlwind fortnight but so whirlwind I can't see which way is up!