I re-stacked your comment about eating a particular street as soon as I read it. I truthfully laughed out loud on that one! The rest of your post is spectacular, and thanks. The game? When Travis Kelce made a heart shape and shot it up to Taylor, after his touchdown reception, I spent the rest of the entire evening vomiting, so I missed the end, and was very disappointed with the results.
All I could think was--at some point this woman really wanted to date a BMOC and now our entire nation has to watch her little girl fantasy play out. 🤢 That missed kick, though. Nothing like wanting to vomit then getting kneed in the guts. And hey, thanks for the compliments and the re-stack. Deeply appreciated.
Lovely, inspiring essay, dear Isabel. You're always pitch-perfect, but it happens that in this post you're missing a middle "c." Gecko. I have a friend who also had a pet gecko. They named him Art. Art Gecko. But I like Mo, too. xo
Mo - who knew you needed a scaled friend...your wise boys!
“Those dark, concussed times.” Been there, done that and got all the souvenirs. And I too am sorry BUT I’m also not, because in its own fucked up way I think it was worth it. At least I need to believe that.
I am the cool girl under pressure or with power. You won’t see me quiver because I’m too busy pretending it doesn’t bother me. And then I come home depleted and ashamed. 🦗🦗
Oh man the cool girl. I tried that on but I wasn’t too good at the straight face. I think the folks who knew me well could see the frailty even as I stomped my heals loud or whizzed away on a 10 speed. How’s the AW going?
It’s going well! I feel like I’m kind of in the resistance phase she warned would come. So I’m staying focused on her words and less time worrying about the tasks.
Oh so enjoyable and relatable to read... Nothing like saying, "yes" to a pet. I just gave away my kids' guinea pig on our neighborhood "Buy Nothing" group. (With their permission; it was a good 4 years). The guilt almost crushed me but then I never felt so liberated sweeping around the cage for the last time... Oh these animals take on all our hopes and dreams. Gotta love them.
I have got to get involved in the neighborhood buy nothing group!! Is there a common website or is it unique to where you live? A separate topic entirely, but I'm existentially crushed by the idea of acquiring anything more new STUFF. It's such a good idea to cycle through things that are 'new to me' but not an extra load on the planet. So bringing it back... in the next 2+ decades, maybe this lizard can have a few happy homes ;)
Los Angeles has Buy Nothing groups throughout the city and I think the group exists in other cities/towns across the US. Where I live it is a Face Book group (and it is the only reason I still have a FB account). I've heard of other communities calling it "Offer Up." Maybe other readers here have similar groups in their towns?
This is PERFECT! i love how Mo is kinda “stuck” with you for a while😂 But when I try to put that “cool girl” attitude on I always feel like people can see right through me because in reality it’s all just a act to try to impress people that i’m never gonna see ever again in a year and a half:) maybe that’s what all the girls do at my catholic high school, it sure seems that way. Now that I really think about it we all act so differently just to make sure we all respect one another. Beautiful work Isabel!!
This is so spot-on. The cool girl thing is only ever really for strangers and acquaintances isn't it? The people we don't know well enough to let in. So who cares? I'm getting better at letting it go, but it still flares.
Always say yes to a new family member if it's a pet - no matter the species. Only say yes to a species once - no repeat species (unless it's a dog). - That's my motto! I love that you have a reptile in your home, I have been trying to convince the family to get a Bearded Dragon for years now. Amazing how all the animals (even the ones that seemingly live forever) check off so many life lessons:
- they remind us that life is a circle and pull us out of our routines
- humor is essential every day
- everybody needs to care and to be cared for
and so on... And probably those hot twenty-something girls need those lessons more than the rest of us! I often try to tell that girl, she still lives inside of me, that it wasn't all bad - she certainly needed a sense of humor and somebody to look after her and like all things - it's never to late to start.
100% am with you on this. I will say, though, that the "this will teach them responsibility" idea never works out with the rigor I hoped. In fairness to Christopher, he does clean Mo's hard turds every Saturday.
scarves for shirts!??! you were living dangerously... and don't think i've forgotten about "parcheesi" lol all i can say is that walking alone in dark of campus during those years you were no doubt aware enough to have absorbed that great line with which Selena Gomez introduces her character on OMITB (which i recently discovered and fell in love with especially Martin and Short) "I binge watched Dateline so i wouldn't end up on Dateline" also "octogenerian" sounds like something Spiderman needs to be more concerned with ok back to football made mistake of delving into this in second quarter and looked up to see the score had changed multiple times ps Taylor Swift is still hot
that missed field goal at the end tonight had to resonate with Bills fans as it did with me the year i had a bet on them vs. the Giants in the ONE Superbowl they could have avoided years of frustration by winning and the kick at end went sideways you would have been about 4 years old in lizard years i guess i was still pretty young too and stupid
Don't worry, the imprint of Buffalo's sports misfortunes runs deep. We were in Canada at some Shakespeare festival and had to leave the show to watch the Sabers in the Stanley Cup. The triple overtime foot-in-the-crease clawback. Horrible. Sometimes I feel like I'm signing my kids up for a lifetime of heartache rooting for the Bills, but no way we'd ever abandon them.
too funny and here i have to admit my own affiliation with the Bruins having as you know grown up on the WASP north shore and my dad being a coach etc. so i have memories of watching Phil Esposito and the like with NO HELMETS and taking some girl on B and M train at 13 (she had "stayed back" and looked to be 17) to see the final game of a Blackhawks Stanley Cup defeat and another at my 'confirmation" on a Sunday in the spring my Mom so proud and ashamed as my Dad in pew had his earbuds on listening to the iconic 7th game vs. the Blues and we heard the call on radio as we drove home with Bobby Orr scoring driving length of the ice and theres an immortal photo of him floating across the front of net in mid-air doing it!!! ohhh also Seymour Knox iv i knew from some teenage years somehow not sure where now but at one time his Dad owned the Sabres i guess....as for Bills yes Marv Levy Thurman Munson Jim Kelly thats a tradion worth any sacrifice xo
To rephrase your question, when have I ever been "all-in" on pursuing something to the exclusion of other parts of my life. And the answer is: pursuing my future wife when we met. I think in all other respects, I've been reasonably "diversified" and balanced. I could see myself becoming overly concentrated in pursuing writing, including what i write and what I read. Because it's addictive.
I did write a post about two "ethics," one of absolute ends and one of responsibility and tried to apply it personally. Here is the relevant section, in case you're interested.
"How often in our lives do we really and purely go “all-in?"
For me the answer is one time, when at age 22 I fell in love with my wife, 21 years old. She was dating (in love with, she told me) another guy at the time; he was still in college, so I had the crucial home field advantage. For her, I dropped everything else in my life–––family, my best friend, work to the extent I could. I ignored another friend’s advice to give her an ultimatum to break up with the other guy. Instead, I waited patiently for her to decide between the two of us even as it tore me up inside. I never pressured her to make a decision. My ego was subservient to my goal.
To put it plainly, we were in love behind her boyfriend’s back. It was morally wrong, but I didn’t care. She got stomach aches of guilt whenever the phone rang. (1984, landlines, no cell phones, helpful to my cause)
Then, after two long months, she announced she was ending things with my rival and would be with me exclusively. I was glad, but not nearly as ecstatic as my future wife expected me to be. Because I immediately realized that I had made a huge moral commitment to our future together. She had ended an 18 month relationship with another guy, who she’d said she’d loved, to be with me. Somehow I knew marriage was in the cards.
We’re about to celebrate our 38th anniversary. I attribute it to perseverance and luck, my wife to fate. The boyfriend has never married. Do I feel guilty? A little."
Wonderful of you to share who you were in college! Bold and honest as usual in your writing.
I ran the cricket run for years when Emerson ( turning 40 ) once had a Russian tortoise, A pair of life birds and an iguana - that in an adolescebt boy’s bedroom- i
What power have you had or come close to that you couldn’t bear?
-,realizing that where I am right now is perfect. That knowing that is a power greater than adding to it. At times when things are good, we couldn’t take the perfection of the moment and we are either tempted to ruin it or add to it thinking it is incomplete. My work is to know that each present, each moment is a unique peak that deserves Love.
New to the term sandbag. I thought it was an exercise equipment like the Bulgarian bag.
I guess I sandbag when I choose what’s expedient rather than the meaningful. When I don’t honor the call of my futureself. But lately I’ve been true, responsible, accountable and always more tuned in to my higher self.
In peak experience, I love tuning into the stillness. To trust that this peak is only something that is new to me. To be on the look out on how this is helpful in closing the gap between me right now and my ideal.
❤️
We are getting richer, better, more beautiful everyday in every way.
This is beautiful. I love the idea of using the peak to find stillness: what an excellent way to hold both polarities. Although ironically it seems to me that peak experiences are often accompanied by psychic stillness--that clarifying, bracing moment of pure presence. It's what adrenaline junkies are onto. Maybe I can find the same in my daily life... without having to jump out of an airplane :) Thank you, as always, for your wisdom.
As the daughter of a mother who also begrudgingly-but-lovingly took on the burden of buying live crickets for my pet frogs growing up, I SO enjoyed this piece. I'm sure a similar karma awaits me in due time...
This was fun to read!!! I love your reflective pieces, they are light yet a little singed and oh so relateable. Well to me. I feel like we might be super similar!! My entire high school years were made of going in hard and then hiding in remorse from embarrassment.
When I first became single again I felt this overwhelming sense of the fact I could do whatever I wanted and could make all the decisions. It was so freeing we now have 3 dogs, a cat and 4 horses 🤣🤣🤣. I relate to your parents... my no switch is faulty.
Four horses!!! That is so amazing. That's a pet I would advocate for every day of the week. All I did growing up was ride at a neighborhood barn and those memories are the best of my youth. Maybe next time Christopher goes away, I'll surprise him with a thoroughbred. :)
We have 3 TBs and an Australian riding pony. 2 are rescues and are the best horses ever. I have a weak spot for pretty horses. They are amazing healers and my kids absolutely love riding. I haven't ridden since I had emergency back surgery 18 months ago but I hope to. Check out my insta for inspiration for when Christopher goes away next haha.
-- What an outstanding essay! I appreciate your ability to delicately articulate impactful moments. The fluidity of your writing and the way you intertwine personal insights from your past and present are truly inspiring. In response to one of your questions, I’m not certain about possessing any powers, maybe just a focused amount of faith. xo.
Your reflections always mean so much to me. I'm off to read yours: was traveling yesterday and your work always requires such concentration. I am grateful for such a deep and abiding reader. xx
Sometimes I feel like I've made a career of avoiding success
This is the best comment on the Internet
Yeah it is. It sure resonated with me.
I re-stacked your comment about eating a particular street as soon as I read it. I truthfully laughed out loud on that one! The rest of your post is spectacular, and thanks. The game? When Travis Kelce made a heart shape and shot it up to Taylor, after his touchdown reception, I spent the rest of the entire evening vomiting, so I missed the end, and was very disappointed with the results.
All I could think was--at some point this woman really wanted to date a BMOC and now our entire nation has to watch her little girl fantasy play out. 🤢 That missed kick, though. Nothing like wanting to vomit then getting kneed in the guts. And hey, thanks for the compliments and the re-stack. Deeply appreciated.
lol.. you’re welcome
Ooooof! (shrinking in the corner-raising hand to signal “same”)
Lovely, inspiring essay, dear Isabel. You're always pitch-perfect, but it happens that in this post you're missing a middle "c." Gecko. I have a friend who also had a pet gecko. They named him Art. Art Gecko. But I like Mo, too. xo
I also spent half the piece debating whether lizard had two z’s…
Brilliant!! Thank you, Val!
This is everything!!!!
Mo - who knew you needed a scaled friend...your wise boys!
“Those dark, concussed times.” Been there, done that and got all the souvenirs. And I too am sorry BUT I’m also not, because in its own fucked up way I think it was worth it. At least I need to believe that.
I am the cool girl under pressure or with power. You won’t see me quiver because I’m too busy pretending it doesn’t bother me. And then I come home depleted and ashamed. 🦗🦗
Oh man the cool girl. I tried that on but I wasn’t too good at the straight face. I think the folks who knew me well could see the frailty even as I stomped my heals loud or whizzed away on a 10 speed. How’s the AW going?
It’s going well! I feel like I’m kind of in the resistance phase she warned would come. So I’m staying focused on her words and less time worrying about the tasks.
Oh so enjoyable and relatable to read... Nothing like saying, "yes" to a pet. I just gave away my kids' guinea pig on our neighborhood "Buy Nothing" group. (With their permission; it was a good 4 years). The guilt almost crushed me but then I never felt so liberated sweeping around the cage for the last time... Oh these animals take on all our hopes and dreams. Gotta love them.
I have got to get involved in the neighborhood buy nothing group!! Is there a common website or is it unique to where you live? A separate topic entirely, but I'm existentially crushed by the idea of acquiring anything more new STUFF. It's such a good idea to cycle through things that are 'new to me' but not an extra load on the planet. So bringing it back... in the next 2+ decades, maybe this lizard can have a few happy homes ;)
Los Angeles has Buy Nothing groups throughout the city and I think the group exists in other cities/towns across the US. Where I live it is a Face Book group (and it is the only reason I still have a FB account). I've heard of other communities calling it "Offer Up." Maybe other readers here have similar groups in their towns?
This is PERFECT! i love how Mo is kinda “stuck” with you for a while😂 But when I try to put that “cool girl” attitude on I always feel like people can see right through me because in reality it’s all just a act to try to impress people that i’m never gonna see ever again in a year and a half:) maybe that’s what all the girls do at my catholic high school, it sure seems that way. Now that I really think about it we all act so differently just to make sure we all respect one another. Beautiful work Isabel!!
This is so spot-on. The cool girl thing is only ever really for strangers and acquaintances isn't it? The people we don't know well enough to let in. So who cares? I'm getting better at letting it go, but it still flares.
Always say yes to a new family member if it's a pet - no matter the species. Only say yes to a species once - no repeat species (unless it's a dog). - That's my motto! I love that you have a reptile in your home, I have been trying to convince the family to get a Bearded Dragon for years now. Amazing how all the animals (even the ones that seemingly live forever) check off so many life lessons:
- they remind us that life is a circle and pull us out of our routines
- humor is essential every day
- everybody needs to care and to be cared for
and so on... And probably those hot twenty-something girls need those lessons more than the rest of us! I often try to tell that girl, she still lives inside of me, that it wasn't all bad - she certainly needed a sense of humor and somebody to look after her and like all things - it's never to late to start.
100% am with you on this. I will say, though, that the "this will teach them responsibility" idea never works out with the rigor I hoped. In fairness to Christopher, he does clean Mo's hard turds every Saturday.
scarves for shirts!??! you were living dangerously... and don't think i've forgotten about "parcheesi" lol all i can say is that walking alone in dark of campus during those years you were no doubt aware enough to have absorbed that great line with which Selena Gomez introduces her character on OMITB (which i recently discovered and fell in love with especially Martin and Short) "I binge watched Dateline so i wouldn't end up on Dateline" also "octogenerian" sounds like something Spiderman needs to be more concerned with ok back to football made mistake of delving into this in second quarter and looked up to see the score had changed multiple times ps Taylor Swift is still hot
I have one for KC the rest of us are for the Bills and I’ve got my heart in my throat. Yeah I should’ve watched more dateline.
that missed field goal at the end tonight had to resonate with Bills fans as it did with me the year i had a bet on them vs. the Giants in the ONE Superbowl they could have avoided years of frustration by winning and the kick at end went sideways you would have been about 4 years old in lizard years i guess i was still pretty young too and stupid
Don't worry, the imprint of Buffalo's sports misfortunes runs deep. We were in Canada at some Shakespeare festival and had to leave the show to watch the Sabers in the Stanley Cup. The triple overtime foot-in-the-crease clawback. Horrible. Sometimes I feel like I'm signing my kids up for a lifetime of heartache rooting for the Bills, but no way we'd ever abandon them.
too funny and here i have to admit my own affiliation with the Bruins having as you know grown up on the WASP north shore and my dad being a coach etc. so i have memories of watching Phil Esposito and the like with NO HELMETS and taking some girl on B and M train at 13 (she had "stayed back" and looked to be 17) to see the final game of a Blackhawks Stanley Cup defeat and another at my 'confirmation" on a Sunday in the spring my Mom so proud and ashamed as my Dad in pew had his earbuds on listening to the iconic 7th game vs. the Blues and we heard the call on radio as we drove home with Bobby Orr scoring driving length of the ice and theres an immortal photo of him floating across the front of net in mid-air doing it!!! ohhh also Seymour Knox iv i knew from some teenage years somehow not sure where now but at one time his Dad owned the Sabres i guess....as for Bills yes Marv Levy Thurman Munson Jim Kelly thats a tradion worth any sacrifice xo
Isabel,
Fellow Quaker!
Challenging questions.
To rephrase your question, when have I ever been "all-in" on pursuing something to the exclusion of other parts of my life. And the answer is: pursuing my future wife when we met. I think in all other respects, I've been reasonably "diversified" and balanced. I could see myself becoming overly concentrated in pursuing writing, including what i write and what I read. Because it's addictive.
I did write a post about two "ethics," one of absolute ends and one of responsibility and tried to apply it personally. Here is the relevant section, in case you're interested.
"How often in our lives do we really and purely go “all-in?"
For me the answer is one time, when at age 22 I fell in love with my wife, 21 years old. She was dating (in love with, she told me) another guy at the time; he was still in college, so I had the crucial home field advantage. For her, I dropped everything else in my life–––family, my best friend, work to the extent I could. I ignored another friend’s advice to give her an ultimatum to break up with the other guy. Instead, I waited patiently for her to decide between the two of us even as it tore me up inside. I never pressured her to make a decision. My ego was subservient to my goal.
To put it plainly, we were in love behind her boyfriend’s back. It was morally wrong, but I didn’t care. She got stomach aches of guilt whenever the phone rang. (1984, landlines, no cell phones, helpful to my cause)
Then, after two long months, she announced she was ending things with my rival and would be with me exclusively. I was glad, but not nearly as ecstatic as my future wife expected me to be. Because I immediately realized that I had made a huge moral commitment to our future together. She had ended an 18 month relationship with another guy, who she’d said she’d loved, to be with me. Somehow I knew marriage was in the cards.
We’re about to celebrate our 38th anniversary. I attribute it to perseverance and luck, my wife to fate. The boyfriend has never married. Do I feel guilty? A little."
David can I find this whole piece? Will you link it?! Once again I wish it were, oh, 90,000 words and between hard covers. Published by Knopf.
Thanks Isabel.
Wonderful of you to share who you were in college! Bold and honest as usual in your writing.
I ran the cricket run for years when Emerson ( turning 40 ) once had a Russian tortoise, A pair of life birds and an iguana - that in an adolescebt boy’s bedroom- i
I'm here for advice-
Ooooh I can just hear the buzz of all of those fluorescent aquarium lights!
What power have you had or come close to that you couldn’t bear?
-,realizing that where I am right now is perfect. That knowing that is a power greater than adding to it. At times when things are good, we couldn’t take the perfection of the moment and we are either tempted to ruin it or add to it thinking it is incomplete. My work is to know that each present, each moment is a unique peak that deserves Love.
New to the term sandbag. I thought it was an exercise equipment like the Bulgarian bag.
I guess I sandbag when I choose what’s expedient rather than the meaningful. When I don’t honor the call of my futureself. But lately I’ve been true, responsible, accountable and always more tuned in to my higher self.
In peak experience, I love tuning into the stillness. To trust that this peak is only something that is new to me. To be on the look out on how this is helpful in closing the gap between me right now and my ideal.
❤️
We are getting richer, better, more beautiful everyday in every way.
❤️
This is beautiful. I love the idea of using the peak to find stillness: what an excellent way to hold both polarities. Although ironically it seems to me that peak experiences are often accompanied by psychic stillness--that clarifying, bracing moment of pure presence. It's what adrenaline junkies are onto. Maybe I can find the same in my daily life... without having to jump out of an airplane :) Thank you, as always, for your wisdom.
As the daughter of a mother who also begrudgingly-but-lovingly took on the burden of buying live crickets for my pet frogs growing up, I SO enjoyed this piece. I'm sure a similar karma awaits me in due time...
Pet frogs! Now that's an animal I could get excited about. Don't tell my kids...
This was fun to read!!! I love your reflective pieces, they are light yet a little singed and oh so relateable. Well to me. I feel like we might be super similar!! My entire high school years were made of going in hard and then hiding in remorse from embarrassment.
When I first became single again I felt this overwhelming sense of the fact I could do whatever I wanted and could make all the decisions. It was so freeing we now have 3 dogs, a cat and 4 horses 🤣🤣🤣. I relate to your parents... my no switch is faulty.
Mo is a lucky lizard! He's a boy pet!!
Four horses!!! That is so amazing. That's a pet I would advocate for every day of the week. All I did growing up was ride at a neighborhood barn and those memories are the best of my youth. Maybe next time Christopher goes away, I'll surprise him with a thoroughbred. :)
We have 3 TBs and an Australian riding pony. 2 are rescues and are the best horses ever. I have a weak spot for pretty horses. They are amazing healers and my kids absolutely love riding. I haven't ridden since I had emergency back surgery 18 months ago but I hope to. Check out my insta for inspiration for when Christopher goes away next haha.
-- What an outstanding essay! I appreciate your ability to delicately articulate impactful moments. The fluidity of your writing and the way you intertwine personal insights from your past and present are truly inspiring. In response to one of your questions, I’m not certain about possessing any powers, maybe just a focused amount of faith. xo.
Your reflections always mean so much to me. I'm off to read yours: was traveling yesterday and your work always requires such concentration. I am grateful for such a deep and abiding reader. xx
-- I hope you know that I feel the same way about you. Always. 🤎 xo.