So funny--I liked it last year and this year I was like MEH, alas, gotta fill my Sunday promise and publish something, but I'm glad to be working on better stuff!
I am a middle child, with two older sisters and one younger. Zeinab (2 years older than me) and Soraya (2 years younger than me) had the dynamic you are describing. Soraya still doesn't forgive me for undermining her in their childhood power struggles. Soraya and I shared a room, and Zeinab had a rule that we had to knock to go into her room. I (ever the people pleaser) would knock, and then let her come into our room without knocking.
Soraya on the other hand, called out the injustice and was like, "WELL! if I have to knock, you have to knock).
So Zeinab would come into our room without knocking and say, "I'm not coming into YOUR room, Soraya, I'm coming into Noha's room!" 😂😂😂
I honestly cannot imagine the dynamic with double the girls... but I love the sense of justice! Honestly, my boys are wild but nobody is truly cruel. My parents must've been deeply worried. And frankly, I'm not sure I've been entirely forgiven.
So my eldest sister was 4 years older than Zeinab and wasn't part of ANY of this. She's ridiculously sweet, didn't fight with anyone, and didn't lord her power over the rest of us. Even Zeinab, who was the big fish in the pond, didn't try to control her because, hello, she was older. So essentially our dynamic was the three of us, and it was chaos lol...
There are so many stories. I told you the knocking one, but there's also the make me a sandwich story, the get me some water story, the you can't play with us story (we literally had multiple running pretend games called "the two game" and "the three game", and the numbers referred to who was allowed to play, and on and on and on...
My boys have the same dynamic as Zeinab and Soraya, an older kid who wants all the respect and authority and a younger one who's like, "WHY???" I'm just over here in fetal position most of the time.
The first time i read this a year ago i hadn't quite considered the cinematic value (let alone moral one) of you cajoling sister to drive without a license to come fetch you from shadows of a brightly lit boarding school stirred to frenzy with curiosity over an interloper who just wanted to play a game of parcheesi ha!.....loved seeing the pics of your Mom and Lily on carpet just now I guess the work on the Gilded Age must be fulfilling on many levels for her given your Dad's family history. i'm sure they missed you...the red carpet certainly did xo
This is hilarious (I LOLd at the maid of honor moment). There is something really funny to me about children adapting to their circumstances and acting out, and all the unwritten rules in sibling dynamics. The last line gave me chills. There is not a speck of sentimentality here yet I felt a lump in my throat. Love and all its forms…
Thank you!! I feel grateful for finding Hough's piece because it made me appreciate all those lessons I got to learn in private. The years I spent flexing my power never felt good. It's connection and recognition we all long for... even (perhaps especially) with the people who threaten us most. I'm glad I figured that out with a person who's tied to me for life. I could've really mucked up some friendships slinging toenails.
love this! Sometimes i worry i am to mean to my little brother, eh most of the time he deserves it😂 i remember this one time we were putting dishes away and he was talking to much (i dont even remember about what) but he was making me so angry that i started to chase him around with the frying pan i was holding. He got right up to me and i turned around, smacked him right in the face with the damn frying pan🤦♀️ i felt so awful that i had just given him a black eye, all because i was annoyed by his presence. he’s fully recovered and never lets me forget what i did, but something snapped in my head after that, no clue what it was or how it happened but now we are two peas in a pod, always looking for new ways to plot against our mother. as always beautifully crafted.
What is it about siblings that can cause you to positively BLOW?! I watch my kids get so mad at each other that they explode and then, in an instant, it's all forgotten. There's something so unconditional and abiding about a sibling. Maybe because they have no choice but to stick around :)
Oh god sometimes I look at my kids and I'm like... is that all you got? So PG!! I was ruthless. And yet I do contest the pee story. It was yellow Gatorade.
Thanks for sharing this again as I missed it the first time around.
The pleasure and pain of a sibling. I wouldn't change it for a second. As the mother of boys I will gently remind you that it's taken for mine to reach their mid twenties to truly be friends so don't despair!
Thank you!! It shouldn't come as a shock, but Lily needed quite a bit of time to process and forgive me my many tyrannies. We were about 27 & 24 when all the dust settled and we got really close. So definitely.... it's the long-game :)
My big sister did some schemes on me, but upon my return from my exchange student trip, she changed and started to be loving and kind. Was it my growth spurt in height? My new found world overseas? My absence? I don’t know but, from then till today we are really good 👍 she is a cinematographer in Oakland who surfs a lot, and tends to a dog, I’ll se her in December, hang, see Billie eilish, it would be a delight ❤️
I have enjoyed reading this and how! Isabel I see myself in you!!!! Endlessly have I bullied my sister and now she's my lighthouse. The strawberry seeds story is sooo funny and brutal, loveeee it i'm going to tell her how I could've done that but the idea never occurred. How lucky she is!
This gets funnier every time I read it. As the baby of 6 kids in my immediate family along with 5 brothers and sisters from my father’s first marriage, I’m so glad I wasn’t an only child. You learn how to navigate the world through and with your siblings & as the baby, a lot of their coolness rubs off on you. ❤️🔥🥹😍
I'm an only child, and the best part, aside from reading this essay again, is the comments with all the stories 😂 Some I really relate to, because I have many cousins, and when we were kids, we used to get into all sorts of trouble. Great memories 🤎
The toenails!!!! 🤢😂 I was evil to my little brother, but he got away with EVERYTHING!!! He was the silent quiet type and I couldn’t keep my mouth shut which got me into trouble and he would just smirk. Now with two daughters I can see them being exactly as you write here… although I suspect it will be my youngest that rules the roost as she has a fury on her like nothing I’ve ever seen. I actually feel sorry for my eldest!! Brilliant read xxx
Even sweeter and spicier this second go round!!
So funny--I liked it last year and this year I was like MEH, alas, gotta fill my Sunday promise and publish something, but I'm glad to be working on better stuff!
My exact feelings this week…I fear we are the same.
Isn't that great, though? To see how far the work has come?
Except I reread mine and cringe. Never with you!
DYING!!!
I am a middle child, with two older sisters and one younger. Zeinab (2 years older than me) and Soraya (2 years younger than me) had the dynamic you are describing. Soraya still doesn't forgive me for undermining her in their childhood power struggles. Soraya and I shared a room, and Zeinab had a rule that we had to knock to go into her room. I (ever the people pleaser) would knock, and then let her come into our room without knocking.
Soraya on the other hand, called out the injustice and was like, "WELL! if I have to knock, you have to knock).
So Zeinab would come into our room without knocking and say, "I'm not coming into YOUR room, Soraya, I'm coming into Noha's room!" 😂😂😂
I honestly cannot imagine the dynamic with double the girls... but I love the sense of justice! Honestly, my boys are wild but nobody is truly cruel. My parents must've been deeply worried. And frankly, I'm not sure I've been entirely forgiven.
So my eldest sister was 4 years older than Zeinab and wasn't part of ANY of this. She's ridiculously sweet, didn't fight with anyone, and didn't lord her power over the rest of us. Even Zeinab, who was the big fish in the pond, didn't try to control her because, hello, she was older. So essentially our dynamic was the three of us, and it was chaos lol...
There are so many stories. I told you the knocking one, but there's also the make me a sandwich story, the get me some water story, the you can't play with us story (we literally had multiple running pretend games called "the two game" and "the three game", and the numbers referred to who was allowed to play, and on and on and on...
My boys have the same dynamic as Zeinab and Soraya, an older kid who wants all the respect and authority and a younger one who's like, "WHY???" I'm just over here in fetal position most of the time.
The first time i read this a year ago i hadn't quite considered the cinematic value (let alone moral one) of you cajoling sister to drive without a license to come fetch you from shadows of a brightly lit boarding school stirred to frenzy with curiosity over an interloper who just wanted to play a game of parcheesi ha!.....loved seeing the pics of your Mom and Lily on carpet just now I guess the work on the Gilded Age must be fulfilling on many levels for her given your Dad's family history. i'm sure they missed you...the red carpet certainly did xo
Yes, it was a REALLY BAD DECISION. But how did I end up there with no car?? And what was my plan for later?? There are big gaps in this narrative.
had the exact same thoughts….i guess (hell, i know) passion just creates a pleasant self-serving fog 😉🤣
I grew up as an only child.
Aren't you lucky you never had to listen to somebody slurp from the cereal bowl!!!
This is hilarious (I LOLd at the maid of honor moment). There is something really funny to me about children adapting to their circumstances and acting out, and all the unwritten rules in sibling dynamics. The last line gave me chills. There is not a speck of sentimentality here yet I felt a lump in my throat. Love and all its forms…
Thank you!! I feel grateful for finding Hough's piece because it made me appreciate all those lessons I got to learn in private. The years I spent flexing my power never felt good. It's connection and recognition we all long for... even (perhaps especially) with the people who threaten us most. I'm glad I figured that out with a person who's tied to me for life. I could've really mucked up some friendships slinging toenails.
love this! Sometimes i worry i am to mean to my little brother, eh most of the time he deserves it😂 i remember this one time we were putting dishes away and he was talking to much (i dont even remember about what) but he was making me so angry that i started to chase him around with the frying pan i was holding. He got right up to me and i turned around, smacked him right in the face with the damn frying pan🤦♀️ i felt so awful that i had just given him a black eye, all because i was annoyed by his presence. he’s fully recovered and never lets me forget what i did, but something snapped in my head after that, no clue what it was or how it happened but now we are two peas in a pod, always looking for new ways to plot against our mother. as always beautifully crafted.
What is it about siblings that can cause you to positively BLOW?! I watch my kids get so mad at each other that they explode and then, in an instant, it's all forgotten. There's something so unconditional and abiding about a sibling. Maybe because they have no choice but to stick around :)
Well this makes me feel better!
Oh god sometimes I look at my kids and I'm like... is that all you got? So PG!! I was ruthless. And yet I do contest the pee story. It was yellow Gatorade.
Hahaha well i may or may not have actually forced my sister to drink my pee… but it was diluted with water so 🤷♀️
Well listen, I'm an unreliable narrator. We may never know the truth. But also: it's a rite of passage. That I know for certain.
This reading feels both timeless and unique in many ways. xo
Thank you, friend.
Thanks for sharing this again as I missed it the first time around.
The pleasure and pain of a sibling. I wouldn't change it for a second. As the mother of boys I will gently remind you that it's taken for mine to reach their mid twenties to truly be friends so don't despair!
Thank you!! It shouldn't come as a shock, but Lily needed quite a bit of time to process and forgive me my many tyrannies. We were about 27 & 24 when all the dust settled and we got really close. So definitely.... it's the long-game :)
Ah yes, it's all a long game!
My big sister did some schemes on me, but upon my return from my exchange student trip, she changed and started to be loving and kind. Was it my growth spurt in height? My new found world overseas? My absence? I don’t know but, from then till today we are really good 👍 she is a cinematographer in Oakland who surfs a lot, and tends to a dog, I’ll se her in December, hang, see Billie eilish, it would be a delight ❤️
Everything about this is gold
I have enjoyed reading this and how! Isabel I see myself in you!!!! Endlessly have I bullied my sister and now she's my lighthouse. The strawberry seeds story is sooo funny and brutal, loveeee it i'm going to tell her how I could've done that but the idea never occurred. How lucky she is!
I loved Lauren H’s essay and I loved this. The fingernails! Your face during her speech… hilarious!
Gah! Not fingernails. Toenails! Even worse, Lolol
This gets funnier every time I read it. As the baby of 6 kids in my immediate family along with 5 brothers and sisters from my father’s first marriage, I’m so glad I wasn’t an only child. You learn how to navigate the world through and with your siblings & as the baby, a lot of their coolness rubs off on you. ❤️🔥🥹😍
I'm an only child, and the best part, aside from reading this essay again, is the comments with all the stories 😂 Some I really relate to, because I have many cousins, and when we were kids, we used to get into all sorts of trouble. Great memories 🤎
The toenails!!!! 🤢😂 I was evil to my little brother, but he got away with EVERYTHING!!! He was the silent quiet type and I couldn’t keep my mouth shut which got me into trouble and he would just smirk. Now with two daughters I can see them being exactly as you write here… although I suspect it will be my youngest that rules the roost as she has a fury on her like nothing I’ve ever seen. I actually feel sorry for my eldest!! Brilliant read xxx