There’s literally nothing more predictable than the seasons, yet each one is so intense it throws me off balance…often good, often bad. And like anything that starts to last too long, resentment bubbles and festers and I poke at it. That’s the end of summer for me —“can I just take a walk without sweating my body weight?! Delilah stop drooling everywhere!!”-- I scream into the void. And then a breeze charges up my jet pack and I forget it ever happened. Hot dogs and suntan lotion be damned! Maybe it was all a dream. Was I husk then? Or now?
PS. No image more delightful than your guys in their chains 🤣
Yes, transitions are ALWAYS so hard for me. Even spring, which is so exciting and full of possibility gives me this weird, frenetic ache. And honestly, I have to be grateful for the difficulty of the last days of summer because they kind of knocked me off my sentimental arse and into the real world. Sweating my body weight, YES! Every damn day this August. No dignity.
God, I loved this, "I felt our family mythology blooming across my skin."
This was the perfect end of summer read, Isabel. It felt like turning the last page on an incredible book that you don't want to end. Full of yearning and satisfaction all at once. I love, love, love that you looked up what her phantom body was called. I'm the same, I have to know all the things!
I'm most definitely split-skinned in summer. I disappear into my inner world and don't pop back out until that first cool morning breeze hits.
I have to tell you... your meme reminders that we don't have to love August really kept me going, especially as we limped to the finish line. This was the first year I heard about people getting SAD in the summer! It was hugely permission-granting to realize... yeah. It's hard to endure quite this many 90+ degree days. And that's ok! But also: I kind of relish it. Because now the fall air is that much more exhilarating.
This made me spiral into a series of good reflections all at once. Your writing is incredible, and I’m grateful for the opportunity to experience it. xo
This Georgia O’Keefe quote seems like it’s everywhere right now so you’ve probably seen it. Your piece made me think of it—
‘I have done nothing all summer but wait for myself to be myself again.'
I really love the way you notice and write about images with an abundance of detail but an economy of language and thus tap into “the epic quality of the ordinary.”
I have seen that quote a few times, and each time I've sprained my neck nodding in violent agreement. Also... I don't think I've ever relished a compliment on my work as much as this one. Abundance of detail + economy of language would be my absolute goal and to have such a discerning reader see that, well. Wow.
Oh the pressure to have that perfect summer, that perfect vacation, that perfect memory, etc. etc. Hard relate! And then layer the catastrophizing about climate change and how it'll affect every moment or memory - when I go cycling with the boys in the summer and the weather is hotter than it has any right to be, hotter than it was when I was little, or when we go skating in February and we have to check if there's somewhere on the Rideau Canal that's long thick enough that we can still even skate on it, I think frantically, urgently, that there won't be enough time to make these memories. That climate change, and my disorganization, will snatch them all away before they've had time to settle in their minds.
Climate change + disorganization = recipe for total mom panic. I was picking this up from your Feb photos of the lack of snow in Ottawa. Seasons are the raw material of my memories: the idea that their impact might shift what my boys experience leaves me feeling unmoored. Because even if I can't wholly deliver on the promise of a perfect summer... at least the cool breeze and the warm sun and that particular light on the underside of the tree leaves will sink into their brains. But this year: so gray, so wet. Hard to run in the woods when there's lightning always afoot.
This was one of the most gorgeous things I have read in recent memory. Wow, I'm completely blown away by your talent. I was completely transported, mentally, emotionally- just wow.
I will imagine this now, when I'm feeling "caught" in a web. What would it take to shift, and split? What would I need to leave behind. I like this metaphor for situations that don't involve linear evolution, like the caterpillar and the cocoon...this is more a "caught in circumstance, huh - how do you react? and who made the circumstances, anyway?" question. Like the layer of you observing the after-image husk - are we really still caught in the web? Here's to slipping the net when we feel stuck...
oh, and the ribbed tanks with fake gold chains WWE brawls lol - what a perfect image for the "acceptance of structural collapse" of summer with kids on vacation. Hope everyone is on the mend after COVID and feeling better going into Fall!
Thank you, Van! Yes: it's so funny because so many of these places I get pulled down are of my own construction. Nobody asking or demanding it of me. And yet it happens. But since I first drafted this, I've begun to wonder... maybe it demands a follow up. Because for me, the only way to know I've juiced an experience is to get to the place where I want it to end. So often, during the year with work and school and social obligations, I wake up at 2am wondering "was I there enough? did I do enough?" Well this summer, I don't have to torment myself with that question :) And there's some relief in that, too.
"If you, like me, sank all the way into a nostalgic heft, you'll know how a few quiet hours with cool air gathering at your ankles is, frankly, a jetpack." Yes I do know and am waiting... excited... (it's still over 100 here) and hoping Covid doesn't catch us first. Your writing put into words so many of my feelings these last couple of months.
Oh man. You have put words into feelings I could never describe about the beginning of summer, then enduring / loving it, and now already missing it. So so lovely. Mine went back to school on Wednesday, too. It was the best summer yet, and I am so sad it’s over. I also am so excited to start fresh. Sigh. What a time. ✨
Yes! It's funny to have ended on a frustrated note because so much of this summer was "the best of my life." So it goes--all the delight and frustration swirling together. I'm actually grateful for these seasons that move from high to low and back again. It's all so rich.
This is especially poetic and I felt it to my very bones as a mom. I love that this essay illustrates that even mindful nostalgia and sentimentality is unsustainable for too long. To every season… buh-bye summer
Yes, that's it!! The nostalgia feels so sweet and ripe at first... almost intoxicating. It doesn't take long for me to experience it as a weird kind of bruise. Tender and almost aching. Like--why am I still pressing into this feeling?
Powerful piece. There is something very special about the way you write. It flows and reaches a crescendo before planting us gently back down. Inspired work. Thank you.
I have chills over how you can articulate the existential weight of the season changing. And the damselfly… I can see and feel her, in all the skeletal sheds. Goddamn incredible.
This is beautiful, Isabel. Your writing is so lyrical, and your words arouse imagery in my head that I did not realize (remember?) I possessed. Summer’s end feels deflating but thanks to you, my red jet pack is within reach. 💥
There’s literally nothing more predictable than the seasons, yet each one is so intense it throws me off balance…often good, often bad. And like anything that starts to last too long, resentment bubbles and festers and I poke at it. That’s the end of summer for me —“can I just take a walk without sweating my body weight?! Delilah stop drooling everywhere!!”-- I scream into the void. And then a breeze charges up my jet pack and I forget it ever happened. Hot dogs and suntan lotion be damned! Maybe it was all a dream. Was I husk then? Or now?
PS. No image more delightful than your guys in their chains 🤣
Yes, transitions are ALWAYS so hard for me. Even spring, which is so exciting and full of possibility gives me this weird, frenetic ache. And honestly, I have to be grateful for the difficulty of the last days of summer because they kind of knocked me off my sentimental arse and into the real world. Sweating my body weight, YES! Every damn day this August. No dignity.
God, I loved this, "I felt our family mythology blooming across my skin."
This was the perfect end of summer read, Isabel. It felt like turning the last page on an incredible book that you don't want to end. Full of yearning and satisfaction all at once. I love, love, love that you looked up what her phantom body was called. I'm the same, I have to know all the things!
I'm most definitely split-skinned in summer. I disappear into my inner world and don't pop back out until that first cool morning breeze hits.
I have to tell you... your meme reminders that we don't have to love August really kept me going, especially as we limped to the finish line. This was the first year I heard about people getting SAD in the summer! It was hugely permission-granting to realize... yeah. It's hard to endure quite this many 90+ degree days. And that's ok! But also: I kind of relish it. Because now the fall air is that much more exhilarating.
Yay! I’m so glad!!!
oh Isabel you always "come home" to yourself...and we are glad. xo
This made me spiral into a series of good reflections all at once. Your writing is incredible, and I’m grateful for the opportunity to experience it. xo
WOW. What a comment to wake up to. THANK YOU.
This Georgia O’Keefe quote seems like it’s everywhere right now so you’ve probably seen it. Your piece made me think of it—
‘I have done nothing all summer but wait for myself to be myself again.'
I really love the way you notice and write about images with an abundance of detail but an economy of language and thus tap into “the epic quality of the ordinary.”
I have seen that quote a few times, and each time I've sprained my neck nodding in violent agreement. Also... I don't think I've ever relished a compliment on my work as much as this one. Abundance of detail + economy of language would be my absolute goal and to have such a discerning reader see that, well. Wow.
The end of summer has always been a sad time for me. Set to Don Henley's "The Boys of Summer" if I really want to sink down into nostalgia.
Oh I can see you... driving in that Mini Cooper past the empty mansions. You've got your hair combed back and your sunglasses on.
so true i prefer the Ataris version tho!!
Oh the pressure to have that perfect summer, that perfect vacation, that perfect memory, etc. etc. Hard relate! And then layer the catastrophizing about climate change and how it'll affect every moment or memory - when I go cycling with the boys in the summer and the weather is hotter than it has any right to be, hotter than it was when I was little, or when we go skating in February and we have to check if there's somewhere on the Rideau Canal that's long thick enough that we can still even skate on it, I think frantically, urgently, that there won't be enough time to make these memories. That climate change, and my disorganization, will snatch them all away before they've had time to settle in their minds.
Climate change + disorganization = recipe for total mom panic. I was picking this up from your Feb photos of the lack of snow in Ottawa. Seasons are the raw material of my memories: the idea that their impact might shift what my boys experience leaves me feeling unmoored. Because even if I can't wholly deliver on the promise of a perfect summer... at least the cool breeze and the warm sun and that particular light on the underside of the tree leaves will sink into their brains. But this year: so gray, so wet. Hard to run in the woods when there's lightning always afoot.
Yes to all of this... I want to mind meld my memories for them to build up their thoughts if they won't get to experience it themselves.
This was one of the most gorgeous things I have read in recent memory. Wow, I'm completely blown away by your talent. I was completely transported, mentally, emotionally- just wow.
The most generous compliment I have ever received. I’m humbled 🧡
The layers...
I will imagine this now, when I'm feeling "caught" in a web. What would it take to shift, and split? What would I need to leave behind. I like this metaphor for situations that don't involve linear evolution, like the caterpillar and the cocoon...this is more a "caught in circumstance, huh - how do you react? and who made the circumstances, anyway?" question. Like the layer of you observing the after-image husk - are we really still caught in the web? Here's to slipping the net when we feel stuck...
oh, and the ribbed tanks with fake gold chains WWE brawls lol - what a perfect image for the "acceptance of structural collapse" of summer with kids on vacation. Hope everyone is on the mend after COVID and feeling better going into Fall!
Thank you, Van! Yes: it's so funny because so many of these places I get pulled down are of my own construction. Nobody asking or demanding it of me. And yet it happens. But since I first drafted this, I've begun to wonder... maybe it demands a follow up. Because for me, the only way to know I've juiced an experience is to get to the place where I want it to end. So often, during the year with work and school and social obligations, I wake up at 2am wondering "was I there enough? did I do enough?" Well this summer, I don't have to torment myself with that question :) And there's some relief in that, too.
"If you, like me, sank all the way into a nostalgic heft, you'll know how a few quiet hours with cool air gathering at your ankles is, frankly, a jetpack." Yes I do know and am waiting... excited... (it's still over 100 here) and hoping Covid doesn't catch us first. Your writing put into words so many of my feelings these last couple of months.
As soon as it hits 88 you're going 💥
Oh man. You have put words into feelings I could never describe about the beginning of summer, then enduring / loving it, and now already missing it. So so lovely. Mine went back to school on Wednesday, too. It was the best summer yet, and I am so sad it’s over. I also am so excited to start fresh. Sigh. What a time. ✨
Yes! It's funny to have ended on a frustrated note because so much of this summer was "the best of my life." So it goes--all the delight and frustration swirling together. I'm actually grateful for these seasons that move from high to low and back again. It's all so rich.
This is especially poetic and I felt it to my very bones as a mom. I love that this essay illustrates that even mindful nostalgia and sentimentality is unsustainable for too long. To every season… buh-bye summer
Yes, that's it!! The nostalgia feels so sweet and ripe at first... almost intoxicating. It doesn't take long for me to experience it as a weird kind of bruise. Tender and almost aching. Like--why am I still pressing into this feeling?
Powerful piece. There is something very special about the way you write. It flows and reaches a crescendo before planting us gently back down. Inspired work. Thank you.
Chevanne, I'm grateful to you for reading & for your kind words. It means so much to have the encouragement of a new reader. ❤️
I have chills over how you can articulate the existential weight of the season changing. And the damselfly… I can see and feel her, in all the skeletal sheds. Goddamn incredible.
She was also a total creep.
Always my heart is settled by your words, your way of looking at the world - with such poignancy and gratitude.Simply-”eat a peach.”
Davyne, thank you. I'm glad the gratitude came through. Motherhood is incredible. Nowhere else do I feel so blessed and... so crushed.
This is beautiful, Isabel. Your writing is so lyrical, and your words arouse imagery in my head that I did not realize (remember?) I possessed. Summer’s end feels deflating but thanks to you, my red jet pack is within reach. 💥
Weeee!!!! Are you settling into the season? I look back at this and it feels like a lifetime ago already.
Yes, I am. The weather is getting cooler (under 80 degrees) and that helps a lot. We don't have seasons so long sleeves put me in the Fall spirit.🍂🧡