I am feeling so alive after reading your reassuring post. Maybe, because it's about a sense of sensations that I can relate in levels you can't possibly understand. Maybe, because you actually might. Anyhow, the most valorous empathy has been elicited inside myself and sent towards you. Peace, as far as it might feel every now and then, reflects itself in the decision to be merely "staying" to see another tomorrow, to share a deeper dive into the divine intervention to learn, appreciate, understand. To grow at the cost of comfort zones, to become aware of new directions, to support a path to a profound healing of our innermost irreplaceable soul and its worthless scars.
It might not mean that much coming from me, but I am sure you are going to be able to achieve all of these aspects, peacefully. I truly believe you can be as meaningful to someone else's life as your mother has been to mine. I will respect you the same for doubting, but even more for trying - Oh, it takes courage to try, to fight, to live!
Thank you for seeing so much in what I said, Thaissa! You're right that the best kind of living involves diving deeper--even, perhaps especially, when we feel afraid. I feel so grateful for this community of people, you included, who encourage all of my attempts--no matter how small or big. I wish you the same courage you've given me!
Your post has assimilated something universally hard to find words for, captured something uniquely human. It releases a core generosity, it involves a rumination on gleaning beyond the bounds of self-acceptance. As I wrote in my letter to your mother, sent last year via R. King (don’t know if you have got the chance to read it), this is truly who I am, exactly what I fight for, fiercely where I stand when it comes to trying. In my humble view, an honest truth is the most fruitful seed, is the shiniest wellspring of memorable fundament – therefore, one which goes in a ring of ripples that outshines itself, and in the main, remains embedded in an exceeding compilation of compliant ricochets spreading across their insistence on time for maturation, crucially waiting for a bounteous momentum of transparent power and transcendental preeminence. An author I like a lot once wrote – “The relief of remembering slow isn’t late, slow isn’t behind, slow isn’t lazy, slow isn’t incapable, slow isn’t less".
Well I followed this link from the "endings are hard" post and I LOVE it. The woman who told you your true self was a middle aged housewife I AM DYING.... So relatable (although I could NEVER play one in a commercial. I do not give off the upscale vibes to which you referred)...
Thank you so much for sharing this link with me! I just love this essay so much. Beautiful writing! It was so lovely to meet you this past week. Let me know if you ever want to write together on zoom!
When I read you Isabel, I always feel like Alice in Wonderland falling into this abyss and during the fall I encounter so many "Isabel layers", reflecting your depth, sense of humour, soul searching an intellectual honesty. Your writing requires re-readings, in order to make sure I missed nothing - a sign of an exquisite and powerful writing imho.
Halàlà ! This extraordinary moment where our children turn out to so easily and naturally achieve whatever skill, potentials or silenced talents that we never believed in for ourselves or deliberately ran away from. It's a strange feeling isn't it, but not necessarily just that positive as it reminds us of what we have put under the rug (hoping it would die there); and I could relate so much.
Then comes the realisation of the beauty of genetics and unexplored collective memory (I am sure we transfer so much we don't know yet, to the next generations).
A middle aged mum.....toi? Serieusement? Where does that leave a soon 48 yo (moi), a young grandma ? :-))
I admire that you exited your comfort zone, AND achieved something that brought you satisfaction at various levels. Remaining in our comfort zone is one of the main obstacles to any achievement in life. And sometimes by facing what we avoided the most, we may realize it was not so much of a big deal (one room yurt, not necessarily a 20 floors skyscraper with 5 lifts).
I think in the end, that you are what a very close and smart friend of mine described once (so is she): a multi talented (or skilled) person. Those people usually do not have a linear working carrier and will walk away from this possibility. They will explore along the way, various aspects of their personality and potentials, the latter not necessarily being related the ones to the others but each being very important.
The multi tasked individuals don't want to have to choose. Their life is a complex elaboration they sometimes struggle to summarize or explain. It makes them doubt if the are achievers. They are not volatile, unsure floating or lost, fumbling around: they are exponential and to each life period, age, discovery, encounters, matches a new skill or interest. They can drop a field of interest, as soon as something stronger, more interesting, comes along. They never have just ONE main goal. I wish the work market, the head-hunters, etc. understood them better.
Maybe have a chat with CHat GPT; after all, it's not a research engine but a thinking program. And I cannot wait to see your next self expansion. You will do so much!
Sounds like you are facing down those demons one-by-one ... good for you. Good piece of writing too... I chuckled when you mentioned acting in the shadows of C. Baranski & M. Cowles...now you know how Jesus felt😂😂😂😂 Good to "hear" from you after a short hiatus. I'll be looking for you in the commercials; so, now I'll have to actually watch them😂 all the best to you 💕
Indeed! One by one. It helps to do it in public--I can't back down once I make my battle-cry out loud! Thank you so much for being here, Mary... all along 🧡
Finally, another Noble Try! I love the idea of you walking right through your fear onto a commercial set (and the way you describe with perfect clarity what got you there). Middle-aged housewives never looked so good. xo
Hi Val!! Thank you for your support, it means everything. I'm sorry these are so few and far between now... they take it out of me! I don't know how you manage to hit publish every week. MY HERO.
Thank you for being here, always!! I'm sorry these are coming a little slower now. But please know that this community means so much to me. I so deeply appreciate your support, Francine.
damn this is SO fucking good....not sure how i got this subscription but glad it popped up and i got hooked in......i'd say i wanna write like you do but we all kinda write the way we got to.....speaking of which (and it has bearing maybe at rejecting what you were fated? to do) once at summer school writing workshop class while in last gasp of trying out college (poor fit) these two fairly lauded poets and writers both men but married so not as smitten and distracted as i when the smartest and funniest in group (and for me utterly alluring with her plump legs and flowered skirts) read her stuff and i was floored and blocked in my iown attempts. Towards the end tho i spat out finally and under severe duress a true story about driving a cab while a drifting 20 year old in Boston and falling under spell of a stripper in the Combat Zone (in retrospect i see now she smiled coyly when i came in exhausted by those crazy streets and people yelling at me from back seat i was taking wrong road to waterfront or airport because i was about to buy her a few $20 screwdrivers....im sure there was minimal lower shelf vodka in there too, her name was "Tantal", another allure....) and wrote a short story about it referencing the club she worked in: "The 2 O'Clock Kid".....The first thing i wrote from direct experience in that class and after reading it those decorated pooh-bahs (but they WERE the real deal) exchanged glances and albeit with some smirking at my obvious intent on seducing star pupil (unrealised yet still immortalised in brain) together admitted and i say with all due chagrin on their part, the equivalent of leaving likes on posts rather than comments, they said in different ways perhaps but min the one instance exact words basically: "Appleton. We didn't fucking KNOW you HAD IT IN YOU". Go figure. I hope they are bioth well. The girl too.
I'm just loving all of this. Delighted you're here, and so happy I found your work. I agree--we all write the way we got to, and your way is great. WELCOME.
Wait! You are middle aged?!? I thought I was middle aged. If you are middle aged, that means I'm... old. Hmm. Enough about me. How incredible. What a brave and clever move. Ripening has been very good to me in my life. And you may soon you'll be out-earning the rest of your hardworking kith and kin. Not that anyone cares, right? But I think those high end watch and perfume commercials pay the big bucks.
-My dear Isabel,
I am feeling so alive after reading your reassuring post. Maybe, because it's about a sense of sensations that I can relate in levels you can't possibly understand. Maybe, because you actually might. Anyhow, the most valorous empathy has been elicited inside myself and sent towards you. Peace, as far as it might feel every now and then, reflects itself in the decision to be merely "staying" to see another tomorrow, to share a deeper dive into the divine intervention to learn, appreciate, understand. To grow at the cost of comfort zones, to become aware of new directions, to support a path to a profound healing of our innermost irreplaceable soul and its worthless scars.
It might not mean that much coming from me, but I am sure you are going to be able to achieve all of these aspects, peacefully. I truly believe you can be as meaningful to someone else's life as your mother has been to mine. I will respect you the same for doubting, but even more for trying - Oh, it takes courage to try, to fight, to live!
Much love,
-Thaissa.
Thank you for seeing so much in what I said, Thaissa! You're right that the best kind of living involves diving deeper--even, perhaps especially, when we feel afraid. I feel so grateful for this community of people, you included, who encourage all of my attempts--no matter how small or big. I wish you the same courage you've given me!
-My dear Isabel,
Your post has assimilated something universally hard to find words for, captured something uniquely human. It releases a core generosity, it involves a rumination on gleaning beyond the bounds of self-acceptance. As I wrote in my letter to your mother, sent last year via R. King (don’t know if you have got the chance to read it), this is truly who I am, exactly what I fight for, fiercely where I stand when it comes to trying. In my humble view, an honest truth is the most fruitful seed, is the shiniest wellspring of memorable fundament – therefore, one which goes in a ring of ripples that outshines itself, and in the main, remains embedded in an exceeding compilation of compliant ricochets spreading across their insistence on time for maturation, crucially waiting for a bounteous momentum of transparent power and transcendental preeminence. An author I like a lot once wrote – “The relief of remembering slow isn’t late, slow isn’t behind, slow isn’t lazy, slow isn’t incapable, slow isn’t less".
All my love to you and your family,
-Thaissa.
Isabel! What a reveal!!! I am over the moon for you! And continuously grateful for your insights and vulnerability that help me make sense of my self.
You are so kind! I am so grateful to you for always being here. THANK YOU!
Well I followed this link from the "endings are hard" post and I LOVE it. The woman who told you your true self was a middle aged housewife I AM DYING.... So relatable (although I could NEVER play one in a commercial. I do not give off the upscale vibes to which you referred)...
Thank you so much for sharing this link with me! I just love this essay so much. Beautiful writing! It was so lovely to meet you this past week. Let me know if you ever want to write together on zoom!
When I read you Isabel, I always feel like Alice in Wonderland falling into this abyss and during the fall I encounter so many "Isabel layers", reflecting your depth, sense of humour, soul searching an intellectual honesty. Your writing requires re-readings, in order to make sure I missed nothing - a sign of an exquisite and powerful writing imho.
Halàlà ! This extraordinary moment where our children turn out to so easily and naturally achieve whatever skill, potentials or silenced talents that we never believed in for ourselves or deliberately ran away from. It's a strange feeling isn't it, but not necessarily just that positive as it reminds us of what we have put under the rug (hoping it would die there); and I could relate so much.
Then comes the realisation of the beauty of genetics and unexplored collective memory (I am sure we transfer so much we don't know yet, to the next generations).
A middle aged mum.....toi? Serieusement? Where does that leave a soon 48 yo (moi), a young grandma ? :-))
I admire that you exited your comfort zone, AND achieved something that brought you satisfaction at various levels. Remaining in our comfort zone is one of the main obstacles to any achievement in life. And sometimes by facing what we avoided the most, we may realize it was not so much of a big deal (one room yurt, not necessarily a 20 floors skyscraper with 5 lifts).
I think in the end, that you are what a very close and smart friend of mine described once (so is she): a multi talented (or skilled) person. Those people usually do not have a linear working carrier and will walk away from this possibility. They will explore along the way, various aspects of their personality and potentials, the latter not necessarily being related the ones to the others but each being very important.
The multi tasked individuals don't want to have to choose. Their life is a complex elaboration they sometimes struggle to summarize or explain. It makes them doubt if the are achievers. They are not volatile, unsure floating or lost, fumbling around: they are exponential and to each life period, age, discovery, encounters, matches a new skill or interest. They can drop a field of interest, as soon as something stronger, more interesting, comes along. They never have just ONE main goal. I wish the work market, the head-hunters, etc. understood them better.
Maybe have a chat with CHat GPT; after all, it's not a research engine but a thinking program. And I cannot wait to see your next self expansion. You will do so much!
Keep writing though!
Bisous
Sounds like you are facing down those demons one-by-one ... good for you. Good piece of writing too... I chuckled when you mentioned acting in the shadows of C. Baranski & M. Cowles...now you know how Jesus felt😂😂😂😂 Good to "hear" from you after a short hiatus. I'll be looking for you in the commercials; so, now I'll have to actually watch them😂 all the best to you 💕
Indeed! One by one. It helps to do it in public--I can't back down once I make my battle-cry out loud! Thank you so much for being here, Mary... all along 🧡
Finally, another Noble Try! I love the idea of you walking right through your fear onto a commercial set (and the way you describe with perfect clarity what got you there). Middle-aged housewives never looked so good. xo
Hi Val!! Thank you for your support, it means everything. I'm sorry these are so few and far between now... they take it out of me! I don't know how you manage to hit publish every week. MY HERO.
Ah! The Mutual Admiration Society! Just keep writing when you can! xo
Wow. I LOVED reading this, so much.
Just found your work, too!! So glad you're here and delighted to read what you're up to! LOVE IT.
I’ve missed your essays!! I’m very happy for you ❤️
Thank you for being here, always!! I'm sorry these are coming a little slower now. But please know that this community means so much to me. I so deeply appreciate your support, Francine.
damn this is SO fucking good....not sure how i got this subscription but glad it popped up and i got hooked in......i'd say i wanna write like you do but we all kinda write the way we got to.....speaking of which (and it has bearing maybe at rejecting what you were fated? to do) once at summer school writing workshop class while in last gasp of trying out college (poor fit) these two fairly lauded poets and writers both men but married so not as smitten and distracted as i when the smartest and funniest in group (and for me utterly alluring with her plump legs and flowered skirts) read her stuff and i was floored and blocked in my iown attempts. Towards the end tho i spat out finally and under severe duress a true story about driving a cab while a drifting 20 year old in Boston and falling under spell of a stripper in the Combat Zone (in retrospect i see now she smiled coyly when i came in exhausted by those crazy streets and people yelling at me from back seat i was taking wrong road to waterfront or airport because i was about to buy her a few $20 screwdrivers....im sure there was minimal lower shelf vodka in there too, her name was "Tantal", another allure....) and wrote a short story about it referencing the club she worked in: "The 2 O'Clock Kid".....The first thing i wrote from direct experience in that class and after reading it those decorated pooh-bahs (but they WERE the real deal) exchanged glances and albeit with some smirking at my obvious intent on seducing star pupil (unrealised yet still immortalised in brain) together admitted and i say with all due chagrin on their part, the equivalent of leaving likes on posts rather than comments, they said in different ways perhaps but min the one instance exact words basically: "Appleton. We didn't fucking KNOW you HAD IT IN YOU". Go figure. I hope they are bioth well. The girl too.
I'm just loving all of this. Delighted you're here, and so happy I found your work. I agree--we all write the way we got to, and your way is great. WELCOME.
Wait! You are middle aged?!? I thought I was middle aged. If you are middle aged, that means I'm... old. Hmm. Enough about me. How incredible. What a brave and clever move. Ripening has been very good to me in my life. And you may soon you'll be out-earning the rest of your hardworking kith and kin. Not that anyone cares, right? But I think those high end watch and perfume commercials pay the big bucks.
Ha! Well I think I'll be 'middle-aged' for about 40 years, so I guess we're contemporaries now. I'm in good company, at least ;)