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It’s Not Always What You See's avatar

Love reading this so much

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Isabel Cowles Murphy's avatar

Thankful for you!

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Christie Manning's avatar

Happy crone / bitter crone- good witch / bad witch… so many visual nuggets!

Thank you for so perfectly encapsulating our fierce deep love for our babies ….these gifts that come from within us 🙏 there is nothing like it

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Isabel Cowles Murphy's avatar

I know. It's like holding God in your arms. Until they start to punch you in the face. More on that tomorrow!

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Allison Deraney's avatar

My first time reading this. It felt like a hug.

My two kids are 6 1/2 years apart. One approaching high school graduation and the other initiation into middle school (send help).

It has felt like I’ve had one foot in littles territory and the other in “he’s almost gone”. A split that has been splitting my heart open.

Your writing captures this push/pull so well. Thank you.

And also - “That first baby now turns all our thermostats to ‘69.’ “😂

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Isabel Cowles Murphy's avatar

It is crazy! I realized the other day that I'll have a kid in college and one in elementary school. I'll be checking back for support!! Also--he has no idea what 69 means, only that it's a number his friends joke about. I think he's going to be so embarrassed when he finds out... or maybe he does know and he's really punking me. Very possible.

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Morgan Wrolstad's avatar

Ahh love this, that chart is so cool.

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Isabel Cowles Murphy's avatar

That book is truly incredible. If you haven't read it, 10/10 recommend. But maybe we should circle up for a book group b/c it brings up a lot of rage, too. Easier to process w/ support.

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Morgan Wrolstad's avatar

I would love that!

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Isabel Cowles Murphy's avatar

I'm going to go back through it and figure out which chapter would be best. It's got so many! What fun!!

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Donna McArthur's avatar

We have all colored outside the lines with the lipgloss but I never realized how our stage in life may dictate how we react to it! Yes to this!!

Thanks for including the age and stage of women by Estes. It seems amazingly accurate.

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Isabel Cowles Murphy's avatar

Have you read the book? It's extraordinary. I've also heard from several people in the medical community that big shifts happen not at 40, but at 42, which aligns with one of the 7-year turns... at least the one nearest to me :)

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Donna McArthur's avatar

Yes, I read it ages ago. It's a classic for sure. I did not notice the shift I was hoping for at 40 (that shift being a deep sense of peace and freedom from the expectations of others of course🤣, what other shift is there?!) but since then it has been a slow, gradual peeling away the layers to more deeply see the patterns. I think that as long as we are asking the questions we are on the right track.

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Isabel Cowles Murphy's avatar

Yes! Rigorous self-inquiry is the gift of life. I don't always love what I encounter, but I sure feel on solid ground.

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Sarah Kovatch's avatar

Oh I remember this one! My takeaway this time is how at the end you turn to your own pursuit of writing. I think this is so interconnected to parenting well. By taking time to write you are modeling for your children a love of life. It also might be the only bearable way to not hold on too tightly when it is time to let go.

Coincidentally, this week I read an essay from the 1950s about parenting called "Little Virtues" by the Italian writer Natalia Ginzburg. She wrote that parents should make time for their "vocation" (her word for our passionate pursuits) because "a love of life begets a love of life." That so very much reminded me of what you are discussing here!

Here's to aging as consciously as we are parenting.

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Isabel Cowles Murphy's avatar

Yes!! Gosh I wish I'd made the point more obvious and it really feels worthy of fleshing out. The ONLY way (for me) not to get too clingy with motherhood is to keep my creative self alive. Writing is a total act of rebellion, independence and self-tending--both for now and later. I am knee-deep in spring break madness, but can't wait to read your piece when I have some peace and quiet tomorrow. Currently doing bedtime w/ a laptop. It's not going well.

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davyne verstandig's avatar

The perfect decision- hold Bruce tight while you can-

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Isabel Cowles Murphy's avatar

It was good while it lasted! He's off and running again. And now, back to my daughter, Marion.

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davyne verstandig's avatar

Good to hear✍️📚

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Cindy Eastman's avatar

As a full-fledged crone/watchwoman who is now back to parenting a 13 yo grandson, I appreciated this reminder of all there was and all there is to be. Thank you. ♥️

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Isabel Cowles Murphy's avatar

All the phases are so glorious. My goal is to stay connected to each version of me through every era. Even those I've yet to live :)

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Debbie Weil's avatar

hugging Bruce is way more important than a new post. Plus, I could read that first paragraph 100 times… magical. ❤️

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Isabel Cowles Murphy's avatar

Debbie, you are the best! The boys have been on spring break, but I can't wait to dive back into substack and watch your live w/ Alex!! I hope you were blushing the whole time.

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Valerie Monroe's avatar

What a lovely evocation of a precious time. Hope Bruce is feeling better now. Lovexo

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Isabel Cowles Murphy's avatar

Thank you, Val! It is precious. Scary precious.

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Katrina Donham's avatar

I loved this so much, Isabel, and I am super intrigued by that chart/book!!!

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