This was such a wild read because I find you so stunning and unique. There is just something about you that turns your head, so the idea that anyone would sway you away from that is shocking to me.
(I also find toddlers and 17-year-olds--and every age in between--to be all the same in terms of seeing them as babies. Newly arrived blobs in need of nurturing, direction, and self-discovery.)
Of course this is easy for me to say because I'm on the outside looking in. I know the view can be very different from the inside. I know we can be our harshest critics and I in no way want to dismiss your feelings--I get it...AND fuck all of that. Fuck society saying that women have an expiration date, fuck believing that everyone is attracted to shiny and new (they are not), and most of all fuck that dark part of ourselves that attempts to convince us that we are anything less than the beautiful forces of nature that we are.
It's also cultural. In my culture we revere age and wisdom and accept the awkwardness of youth with lightness and grace. It was always the maturity and wisdom of women that had lived lives full of experience that drew me in and held my gaze/heart. Rarely did shiny and new intrigue me.
I say we all band together and make this aging thing as wonderful and fun as possible because the current American society has a tendency to want to take a big fat patriarchal dookie on an experience that is full of magic and power. ❤️🔥💥
Jenovia, I have cherished this comment. I'm finally replying to these after doing some processing on the piece myself--I was surprised by the range of reactions (many in private) and I suppose I touched a nerve. I think you've hit it, exactly: why are we throwing away the immense value of a woman with time behind her? There's so much humor, strength and flexibility in the elder--a shedding of the strictures; a softening, too. You've given me insight into were to look for latent, subversive, undeniable power: wherever that patriarchal dookie drops, there deep value lies. I'm grateful to remember that whatever feels threatening from that internalized model is likely a path to radical freedom.
ooo Isabel, this one resonated so strongly with me, a 73yo grandmother! I know how beautiful you are because I’ve seen your photo (and seen you in your video post). I have similar feelings of admiration (although not jealousy) when I look at the perfect faces of my 12 and 14yo granddaughters. And when I look at the faces and figures of my two daughters in their 40s. They are all so beautiful. I’m still learning how to admire “old age” beauty; it’s definitely a thing too, although not a “thirst trap.”
Debbie, thank you for this!! I must say--your comment inspires me to think about gazing more deeply at the faces that are changed by time. So often we just pass over a face that isn't like the ones considered the "standard" of beauty. But what if we defined beauty differently? What if beauty doesn't end, but evolves? Perhaps it even emerges.
"She’s in a different era of womanhood, and she’s not pretending otherwise"
In my mind, I'm about 30. I'm still athletic, no wrinkles, eating and drinking whatever I want with no regrets. Now, too much red wine hurts my stomach. I rise from a chair a bit more slowly thanks to knees that have seen too much running. Not pretending anymore. I've earned this time in my life and I WILL make the most of it. Great essay.
It's a total reclamation to say: this is who I am now, and I'm proud. I definitely feel that way, and honestly, writing about myself with a bit of mischievous humor feels empowering.
Sorry, girls, but we men have an expiration date too. It sucks to lose your youth. Women have it especially bad because we are such visual animals and the surface is “out there.” We guys don’t get shown up until we have to “go to our left.” 🏀 I’m well over 70 now and, of course, the under-25’s are attractive. But I never realized how attractive you all are over 40, 50, ? , until I got there myself. Let’s all take a deep breath and bask in the glow. There’s beauty everywhere. 😊
I totally agree with you, John! Some of the women I most admire are in their 40s and 50s... they look great, partly because they radiate wisdom, confidence and maybe a bit of mischief. And thank you for reminding me that men deal with this existential stuff, too!
Honestly, the chick was rude. And as much as I admire Lizzy's mother, I would do things differently if I had a teenage daughter. NO LEAVING THE HOUSE IN UNDERPANTS, KIDDO.
So, ahem, I read this the day after doing a Yoga video for the first time in about 5 months yesterday and realizing that a bunch of the postures I knew how to do six months ago (SIX! MONTHS!) I am 100% struggling with now. Which made me think all the things: I'm old and lazy and flabby and my muscles don't work and my flexibility isn't what it was and and and...
Only the future will tell if I keep doing the video and getting stronger or if this is just who I am now, a 42 year old going on 57...
Oh my gosh the meaning we make of these tiny, zero-stakes moments!! And once we put the lens onto something, we see it everywhere. I think it's worth remembering that we don't have to keep confirming a half-truth for ourselves and feel tortured about it. Plus I guarantee you if you do that vid every day for a week, you'll be 27 again. I can just feel it.
"If you do that vid every day for a week" is doing a lot of heavy lifting lol.
But I agree. I was doing it very consistently this summer and seeing huge strides and then I had that awful fall off my bike and everything hurt... and even when other stuff felt better, my wrists couldn't take the vinyasa flow for months... that's my excuse.
And then on the flip side, I am 42, and I've decided I care more about using my super limited free time to read and write. The yoga will happen when I want to do it, but I'm not going to guilt myself with it and then add one more thing to the list of broken promises to myself. What is the point?
I've been in such a similar moment. Just deep in my chair almost all day... I think a lot of it is also the season. The pull to quiet and stillness and hibernation is so natural.
I'm going to consider it growth that I'm doing this now... because for years I would just plough through and did not know how to sit still, whether it was winter or not. And then I would wonder where the burnout and exhaustion came from.
The last two weeks I've been doing the absolute bare minimum in every facet of my life and then retreating to books, and it's been the best.
Brilliant! Echoes of Demi Moore's recent "The Substance"! Such a joyful reminder of the id meets ego battle that rages sometimes at the forefront and (if we're lucky) otherwise tucked into our subconscious. Your writing always so perfectly painting the picture. I can taste the bounce bounce bounce!
I NEED to see it!! I'm deeply excited that aging is such a part of the cultural conversation. Ownership of our changes, upending our panic, playing with standards, exploring the existential needs out loud instead of retreating... it's exciting stuff.
I loved this post and your willingness to be vulnerable. You are beautiful inside and out, and Lizzy will be lucky if she can have your heart when she too is 25... As you clearly are.
This was a treat. Reminds me that the only thing that helps when I’m feeling these ~feelings~ is seeing women I admire and hanging out with the women I love. I see and love their faces and remember to love my own.
I am so fascinated and intrigued by women who stay playful as they enter different chapters. To me, it's such a sign of confidence and a deeply youthful spirit. I don't think we should ever underestimate the example we're setting for each other.
Mary! I love this comment because I thought of you as I wrote this piece. I wondered--what will Mary think? Is it too petty and mean? I admire your writing because the wholesomeness of your daily joys brings ME joy. I hope to offer up the same to my readers... even if I am a little peevish :)
Thanks, Isabel. 😃 You notice and candidly write about things I don’t notice and I love the perspective you bring! Nothing is petty if it’s important to you, as far as I’m concerned! Your writing brings ME joy, btw. 😃
I giggled at so many parts but I love the turning point when you say, “I grew up in about ten seconds, realizing the permission this woman has given me.” It is so vulnerable to talk about our outward appearance and how we feel about our outward appearance. But we can’t deny that grappling with our changing looks is a huge part of aging. Sometimes I am able to celebrate young beauty and sometimes I feel threatened and envious or even grief. I feel all of it most intensely with my teenage daughter (who resembles younger me in some ways). She enters young womanhood as I say goodbye to young womanhood. It is interesting and weird and sad but also so often a relief. Thank you for making me feel normal here.
YES!! As always, I feel like taking ownership of the shift--exploring the weirdness on my terms, hopefully with a sense of humor--is a power move. Growing older is going to feel extremely strange, deeply sad, definitely icky (the skirts on these teenage girls, OMG!) but I never want to despair for long. Everything in life is grief and relief. All these mini-moments to panic and remind ourselves--it's all a gift. Aging is better than the alternative! Thank you, as ever, for your kindness and insight. 🧡
This was such a wild read because I find you so stunning and unique. There is just something about you that turns your head, so the idea that anyone would sway you away from that is shocking to me.
(I also find toddlers and 17-year-olds--and every age in between--to be all the same in terms of seeing them as babies. Newly arrived blobs in need of nurturing, direction, and self-discovery.)
Of course this is easy for me to say because I'm on the outside looking in. I know the view can be very different from the inside. I know we can be our harshest critics and I in no way want to dismiss your feelings--I get it...AND fuck all of that. Fuck society saying that women have an expiration date, fuck believing that everyone is attracted to shiny and new (they are not), and most of all fuck that dark part of ourselves that attempts to convince us that we are anything less than the beautiful forces of nature that we are.
It's also cultural. In my culture we revere age and wisdom and accept the awkwardness of youth with lightness and grace. It was always the maturity and wisdom of women that had lived lives full of experience that drew me in and held my gaze/heart. Rarely did shiny and new intrigue me.
I say we all band together and make this aging thing as wonderful and fun as possible because the current American society has a tendency to want to take a big fat patriarchal dookie on an experience that is full of magic and power. ❤️🔥💥
Jenovia, I have cherished this comment. I'm finally replying to these after doing some processing on the piece myself--I was surprised by the range of reactions (many in private) and I suppose I touched a nerve. I think you've hit it, exactly: why are we throwing away the immense value of a woman with time behind her? There's so much humor, strength and flexibility in the elder--a shedding of the strictures; a softening, too. You've given me insight into were to look for latent, subversive, undeniable power: wherever that patriarchal dookie drops, there deep value lies. I'm grateful to remember that whatever feels threatening from that internalized model is likely a path to radical freedom.
🎯❤️🔥🫂 I’m laughing at patriarchal dookie drops 😂😂 I love us!
ooo Isabel, this one resonated so strongly with me, a 73yo grandmother! I know how beautiful you are because I’ve seen your photo (and seen you in your video post). I have similar feelings of admiration (although not jealousy) when I look at the perfect faces of my 12 and 14yo granddaughters. And when I look at the faces and figures of my two daughters in their 40s. They are all so beautiful. I’m still learning how to admire “old age” beauty; it’s definitely a thing too, although not a “thirst trap.”
Debbie, thank you for this!! I must say--your comment inspires me to think about gazing more deeply at the faces that are changed by time. So often we just pass over a face that isn't like the ones considered the "standard" of beauty. But what if we defined beauty differently? What if beauty doesn't end, but evolves? Perhaps it even emerges.
"She’s in a different era of womanhood, and she’s not pretending otherwise"
In my mind, I'm about 30. I'm still athletic, no wrinkles, eating and drinking whatever I want with no regrets. Now, too much red wine hurts my stomach. I rise from a chair a bit more slowly thanks to knees that have seen too much running. Not pretending anymore. I've earned this time in my life and I WILL make the most of it. Great essay.
It's a total reclamation to say: this is who I am now, and I'm proud. I definitely feel that way, and honestly, writing about myself with a bit of mischievous humor feels empowering.
Sorry, girls, but we men have an expiration date too. It sucks to lose your youth. Women have it especially bad because we are such visual animals and the surface is “out there.” We guys don’t get shown up until we have to “go to our left.” 🏀 I’m well over 70 now and, of course, the under-25’s are attractive. But I never realized how attractive you all are over 40, 50, ? , until I got there myself. Let’s all take a deep breath and bask in the glow. There’s beauty everywhere. 😊
I totally agree with you, John! Some of the women I most admire are in their 40s and 50s... they look great, partly because they radiate wisdom, confidence and maybe a bit of mischief. And thank you for reminding me that men deal with this existential stuff, too!
❤️
a new favorite of yours holy shit. My composure would have been blown to smithereens
Honestly, the chick was rude. And as much as I admire Lizzy's mother, I would do things differently if I had a teenage daughter. NO LEAVING THE HOUSE IN UNDERPANTS, KIDDO.
ISABEL!!!
So, ahem, I read this the day after doing a Yoga video for the first time in about 5 months yesterday and realizing that a bunch of the postures I knew how to do six months ago (SIX! MONTHS!) I am 100% struggling with now. Which made me think all the things: I'm old and lazy and flabby and my muscles don't work and my flexibility isn't what it was and and and...
Only the future will tell if I keep doing the video and getting stronger or if this is just who I am now, a 42 year old going on 57...
Oh my gosh the meaning we make of these tiny, zero-stakes moments!! And once we put the lens onto something, we see it everywhere. I think it's worth remembering that we don't have to keep confirming a half-truth for ourselves and feel tortured about it. Plus I guarantee you if you do that vid every day for a week, you'll be 27 again. I can just feel it.
"If you do that vid every day for a week" is doing a lot of heavy lifting lol.
But I agree. I was doing it very consistently this summer and seeing huge strides and then I had that awful fall off my bike and everything hurt... and even when other stuff felt better, my wrists couldn't take the vinyasa flow for months... that's my excuse.
And then on the flip side, I am 42, and I've decided I care more about using my super limited free time to read and write. The yoga will happen when I want to do it, but I'm not going to guilt myself with it and then add one more thing to the list of broken promises to myself. What is the point?
I agree!! Having the exact same experience. Let’s call it wisdom.
I've been in such a similar moment. Just deep in my chair almost all day... I think a lot of it is also the season. The pull to quiet and stillness and hibernation is so natural.
I'm going to consider it growth that I'm doing this now... because for years I would just plough through and did not know how to sit still, whether it was winter or not. And then I would wonder where the burnout and exhaustion came from.
The last two weeks I've been doing the absolute bare minimum in every facet of my life and then retreating to books, and it's been the best.
Brilliant! Echoes of Demi Moore's recent "The Substance"! Such a joyful reminder of the id meets ego battle that rages sometimes at the forefront and (if we're lucky) otherwise tucked into our subconscious. Your writing always so perfectly painting the picture. I can taste the bounce bounce bounce!
I NEED to see it!! I'm deeply excited that aging is such a part of the cultural conversation. Ownership of our changes, upending our panic, playing with standards, exploring the existential needs out loud instead of retreating... it's exciting stuff.
Ditto to this!
Thanks for the perspective 💕
So grateful you're here!! PS you've looked 26 since the day I met you.
Haha I laughed at this sentence - “She takes advantage of those heavy balls with a perky volley that never misses.” Loved this honest take.
The whole thing was so absurdly sexual. I tried to describe the way she held the shaft of the tennis racquet, but that got a little weird...
Oh @Isabel,
I loved this post and your willingness to be vulnerable. You are beautiful inside and out, and Lizzy will be lucky if she can have your heart when she too is 25... As you clearly are.
The senator thanks you!! I still laugh about that.
Love this post and especially that it’s about tennis (and so much more) and not pickleball!!
Ugh, pickle. Never.
This was a treat. Reminds me that the only thing that helps when I’m feeling these ~feelings~ is seeing women I admire and hanging out with the women I love. I see and love their faces and remember to love my own.
I am so fascinated and intrigued by women who stay playful as they enter different chapters. To me, it's such a sign of confidence and a deeply youthful spirit. I don't think we should ever underestimate the example we're setting for each other.
“loose pants era” might be my favorite new life stage descriptor!!
Right? One day you wake up and you're just like... those camel toe leggings? Never again. I'm simply too dignified for that shit.
This was one of my favorite posts of yours, Isabel. Your words go beyond candid honesty to owning 100% what you think and feel. Bravo. Just love it.
Mary! I love this comment because I thought of you as I wrote this piece. I wondered--what will Mary think? Is it too petty and mean? I admire your writing because the wholesomeness of your daily joys brings ME joy. I hope to offer up the same to my readers... even if I am a little peevish :)
Thanks, Isabel. 😃 You notice and candidly write about things I don’t notice and I love the perspective you bring! Nothing is petty if it’s important to you, as far as I’m concerned! Your writing brings ME joy, btw. 😃
Thank you, Mary ❤️
❤️
A Grand Slam read! 🎾🥰
This comment!!! 💯
I giggled at so many parts but I love the turning point when you say, “I grew up in about ten seconds, realizing the permission this woman has given me.” It is so vulnerable to talk about our outward appearance and how we feel about our outward appearance. But we can’t deny that grappling with our changing looks is a huge part of aging. Sometimes I am able to celebrate young beauty and sometimes I feel threatened and envious or even grief. I feel all of it most intensely with my teenage daughter (who resembles younger me in some ways). She enters young womanhood as I say goodbye to young womanhood. It is interesting and weird and sad but also so often a relief. Thank you for making me feel normal here.
YES!! As always, I feel like taking ownership of the shift--exploring the weirdness on my terms, hopefully with a sense of humor--is a power move. Growing older is going to feel extremely strange, deeply sad, definitely icky (the skirts on these teenage girls, OMG!) but I never want to despair for long. Everything in life is grief and relief. All these mini-moments to panic and remind ourselves--it's all a gift. Aging is better than the alternative! Thank you, as ever, for your kindness and insight. 🧡